Emotionless Stranger

2005-07-16T18:50:00.000+01:00

Am I Evil Like You?

Assalaamu alaykum

You came back, bringing with you that nasty atmosphere you left with. That nasty feeling that was around before you went. I duno, I thought things would change, maybe your attitudes and ways would change,maybe you'd change, but hey, tough people dont change do they?

Well my anger towards you came back too. I realised things between us wouldnt change and it got me pissed. I had no time to dwell on the whys and whats but one thing I knew was its life and I have to deal with it.
Your ways and behaviour puzzled me. I didnt understand how people could be as such. But it was clear that it was all evil.

I silently said to myself, well if thats the way you are, I shall be evil too. How id be like you I didnt know, coz it wasnt in me to be like that. I didnt know how to behave badly towards people in a malicious way. I had never done bad to anyone intentionaly, it wasnt in me to hurt others.

But I knew it took two to play the game and I sure as hell was going to be the player to roll the ball with you.

Later on, I went to my room to read. Reading is my sanctuary as you already know.
As I opened my magazine; yes- an Islamic one, I do read them too, the first words that blared into my face were:

"Oh my Son"
Evil is not overcome with evil.
Set off two fires and see if you can put one out with the other.
Evil is overcome with good,
Like fire is put out with water."

Luqman the Wise.

These words, I felt were written just for my sake. This message was mine. Something out there was telling me I couldnt change, just like you cant either. I cannot make myself be, what I aint. The only way to hopefully get rid of that barrier, or that stone on the path would be to act good to you.

I guess life is full of lessons, every step we take on our journey through life teaches us a new lesson and this was mine, when I had taken that step.

2005-07-06T00:32:00.000+01:00

The River of Tears

Or in our case, is it the lack of it?

Ibn Qayyim said:
“The slave is not afflicted with a punishment greater than the hardening of the heart and being distant from Allah.
For the Fire was created to melt the hardened heart.
The most distant heart from Allah is the heart which is hardened.
If the heart becomes hardened, the eye becomes dry."

2005-06-16T20:57:00.000+01:00

Doomsday Nearing.

Assalaamu alaykum

Time goes fast when your having a good time. Well maybe not a 'good' time but an average plus on the scale. Makes a difference compared to the continuous drag of days, when the day and nights all integrates into one and its all passed in a gloomy blur. No exxagguration here, but thats exactly how they are when my grans around.

Sad to say but some people dont have your best interests at heart, nevermind best interests they only wish for your unhappiness.

Well in four weeks that one person who does that to my life will be back. Im dreading it. I dont wana stick anymore of living in endless hell. I want out before then so God help me.

2005-06-10T15:48:00.000+01:00

Assalaamu alaykum

False illusions.

Nothing shows up false without the true:
the fool took false coinhoping it might be gold.
If there were no genuine coin in the world,
how would it be possible to pass fakes?
Unless there is truth,
how could there be lies?
Falsity gets its value from the existence of truth.
Some want the wrong in hope that it will be right

Rumi

2005-05-13T13:30:00.000+01:00

Lost All Sence

No sence of direction. No sence of being.
Where am I heading to? What am I doing here?
Come to a dead end... going round and round in circles.
Lost in the thick wilderness.
I've lost all sence. I've lost my way.

What was my purpose of being? What did I set out to achieve?
Why can't I remeber the reason of my digression?
Why don't I know the reason of my hindrence?
Why am I stuck, unable to go on?
Where is the way out? Where will the roadblocks in this jungle end?
I've lost all sence. I've lost my way.

No time to think. No energy to reason.
Why do i suddenly feel lonely? When i've always been alone?
Whats going on? Wheres the answers to my questions?
Do i know the answers?
Am i scared to answer them? Im I reluctant to solve them?
I've lost all sence. I've lost my way.

Whats that force buzzing in my head?
Is it pain? Then why is it so intence?
Why is it always there? Why does it kill?
No energy to even forget about it.
When will it die down? Or is it waiting to explode?
Lost. But why? I don't know.
I've lost all sence. I've lost my way.

Is there an end to this?
Am I allowed to pretend? Am I allowed to hope?
How did I manage to trangress so damn far?
Oh God, Show me the straight path.
'Coz I've lost all sence. I've lost my way.

2005-05-06T16:32:00.000+01:00

Just for the Record:

Assalaamu Alaykum

Iv broken my ribs. They pain like hell.
I used my very first vote for Respect.
Finally got the nack of sewing. Im chuffed.

Thats all the news and views from me, im out.

2005-05-03T10:06:00.000+01:00

The Truth That Lies

You smile in the two way mirror of my eyes.
I put on my faith like I wear a disguise.
You can’t see my soul, see the life that I live.
But I show you the mask of the best I can give.
I’ve hid here, afraid, like a child behind,
the truth of the thoughts that clutter my mind.
What if you knew, about all that I do?
The things that I think... the "me" that is true?

Would you call me a hypocrite? Call me a liar?
Would you curse out my name?
Would you damn me to fire?
Would you know what to say?
Would you just walk away, afraid the "me" I've tried to hide,
would too closely resemble the truth of you that lies inside?

I've been looking for answers since becoming adult,
not looking for dogma to live like a cult.
Been looking to live, been living to find,
freedom from cages that limit my mind.

Would you call me a hypocrite? Call me a liar?
Would you curse out my name?
Would you damn me to fire?
Would you know what to say?
Would you just walk away, afraid the "me" I've tried to hide,
would too closely resemble the truth of you that lies inside?

I've been running and hiking and dreaming of flying,
but falling and stumbling never shadowed my trying.
So now here I am before God and you,
showing my face and my true self to you.
I'm not sacred of God, I trust God understands,
but I'm wandering if you will still offer your hands.

Will I scare you? Upset you? Frustrate you? Irrate you?
Challenge your lifestyle or weaken your trust?
Or will you see my effort? My passion? Sincerity?
Will you see just a little of yourself in me?
Will you take off your mask so we can be free?

Would you call me a hypocrite? Call me a liar?
Would you curse out my name?
Would you damn me to fire?
Would you know what to say?
Would you just walk away, afraid the "me" I've tried to hide,
would too closely resemble the truth of you that lies inside?

(Dawud Wharnsby Ali)

2005-03-21T11:50:00.000Z

Jamaat...

Assalamu alaykum

Travelling along this journey of ours, the journey through this temporary life, the life we know wich is going to come to an end, and when it does everything we've collected for the sake of this life is going to be left behind, we have to do even a little bit that we can take with us. To make this journey worthwhile.
At the moment i doubt many of us have anything worthwhile to take with us, anything to mark that this journey was not completely useless.
Sadly mojority of the things we have collected on this journey are not going to be useful to us, they wont hold any weight in the hereafter.
So along this journey, aswell as doing the things we need to survive, we have to do things in the path of Allah too. We have make that part of our travells and set some of our time out for our creator.
Its not so hard to make it a part of our life, to do everything we do, the eating, sleepin, wateverelsing in the correct way, the way wich will also give us reward aswell as benifit, but as humans and the way we are, we get distracted easily and we digress from our main purpose -
That is to make the most of this journey so it can help us in the eternal life to come.

Sometimes what we need is just a spiritual boost, to emphasise on the useful things to help us implement in into our lives.

Finally after a very long time, i went in jamaat for the first time this weakend with my uncle. It was brilliant... Aswell as learning things, doing extra ibaadah i hada great laugh. The women i was with were nutcase jokers like me so i got on very well with them.
Even though they were strangers to me, they became my company for the weakend.
But me being me, i couldnt adapt to the food, toilet and sleeping bit.
But then we have to sacrifice something, it cant all be take take and not give after all the blessings our lord has bestowed upon us.

When it was time to leave, the same sadness was felt as when you have to leave one part of your travel and carry on to the next. That odd feeling of attachment that happens even just ofter the shortest bit of time, leaveing us feeling hollow and empty for awhile. Then we forget and our lives go back to the way it was.. rather futile, this journey is eh?

2005-03-18T12:31:00.000Z

Lamb... Yuck!

Assalamu alaykum

Today i had the uh, honour of cleaning lamb and then cooking it for the first time, not being a fan of it in the first place, i was already not looking forward to the task of doing the yukky job.
It was, in polite words, gross! sooo much damn fat on the blumin thing! i dismanteled it all before i even got it cooked :$ it was ummm not nice at all, all the blood and forget the gory details but i doubt ill ever touch it again, never mind even eat it. Well iv never really liked it but seeing all that fatty yuk on it before its even cooked to look nice, think iv been put off it for life.... then again others will say its just an excuse for not wanting to eat when its more like your put off food for life :p

2005-03-16T14:28:00.000Z

Salam - A Piece of Peace...

As salamu alaikum!
Wa alaikum as salam!
I greet you with a greeting of peace,
and a shake of your hand.
As salamu alaikum!
Wa alaikum as salam!
I greet you with peace,
a piece of peace,
to spread throughout the land.

As we look towards the time we have left,
as we try to do what's right.
I'll greet you with peace this morning my friend,
peace through day `til night.

As we turn to our friends and look to our left,
as we look to our dreams turning right,
I will greet you with peace when I see you my friend,
and the light of a smile will ignite.

As salamu alaikum!
Wa alaikum as salam!
I greet you with a greeting of peace,
and a shake of your hand.
As salamu alaikum!
Wa alaikum as salam!
I greet you with peace,
a piece of peace,
to spread throughout the land.

(Dawud Wharnsby Ali)

2005-03-11T15:40:00.000Z

Do cages limit minds and souls aswell as the body?

Assalamu alaykum

"Your hope in my heart is the rarest treasure
Your Name on my tongue is the sweetest word
My choicest hours
Are the hours I spend with You "

Thats beautiful. If only you could do as you wished...Yeap im being lazy, cant be asked to sit here and type... cant be asked to do alot actualy... especially when the heads on the verge of exploding.

Why cant people ever leave you alone? Let you be as you wish to be, i guess that means being free... then again,

"The walls have caved in and you cannot move...
The dust has settled down and you cannot breathe..."

2005-03-05T21:52:00.000Z

Assaalamu alaykum

"Toleration is the greatest gift of mind."

How long do you have to be tolerant for?

2005-02-11T17:13:00.000Z

I still miss You.

Written on 12th of Feb.

Tis two years today,

That you called it a day,

Left me and went away,

Without even giving me time for a farewell say.

I remember it clearly,

like it was just yesterday,It was a horrific day,

Cut short all the laughter and play,

Replacing it with devastation and tears that were never to fade away.

There was heartache and pain,

The hurt of never seeing you again,

The emptyness and loneliness in my heart drove me insane,

Life without you will never be the same.

I remember you, your warm glowing face,

Those pictures will always stay, they have a speacial place,

Small actions, daily activities and I think of you,

Reminding me of things you'd say, things you'd do.

Time wont lessen the pain of loss,

Time wont dry the flowing tears,

Time wont fill the hole you left,

I still miss you.

2005-01-11T22:10:00.000Z

Endings. and Beginnings.

Assalamu alaykum

Hmmm 19 years eh? where have they all gone? tis true when they say time flies...
I can recall some great things from the past, and my earliest memory which is of going to the shops with my two cuzzins, when we were extremely small. I doubt i was much older than two.. We bought them multi-coloured chewing gum balls, only to have them taken off us by my chingum paranoid grandad and then to see him give them away to these other little children that had come home to play. I remember our sullen faces and how upset we were.
The memory brings light to the exhilliration of going to the shops by ourselves and then the despair of having had it taken away. Two contrasting emotions but one which leaves the familiar nostalgic feeling.
I can recall other horrible, nasty and sad things too.
But from all these momories i have collected over time, I cant say iv made full use of the 19 years. A lot of it has gone for waste, has gone in spending it on useless things of irrelevance or maybe of relevence at the time but not of benifit. sure thats fine but when put on the weighing scale it all piles up, making it useless, and a waste of a great valuable.

As my 19 years have come to an end, i have i dont know many more years ahead.
Moments end, leaving us with hopes and aspirations for the moments that are still to come.
Just like at the end of the year, all those thousands of people like me, made resolutions and planned dreams for their next year. That was broken and dashed by the earthquake and tsuanami which brought an abrupt end to their life. they never had time for their new beginning.
Just like at the time of hajj, many hundreds made firm vows of how they would lead thier life to come but never had the time to live the new change in themselves which they felt they had so firmly embedded into their hearts because their life was cut short once again by an abrupt end.

Who knows what abrupt end will be there to grasp hold of my precious life and take away my valuable time.
We all wish for great beginnings to erase the not so good endings, but we all dont know how long we have left of our new beginning.
I guess wasting it, certainly aint worth it.

"For every sin but the killing of Time there is forgiveness."
(Proverb from Traditional Sufism)

2004-12-22T11:56:00.000Z

Life...

The beauty of life is,
while we cannot undo what is done,
we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change
so that every new moment is spent
not in regret, guilt, fear or anger
but in wisdom, understanding and love.

Jennifer Edwards

2004-12-18T15:03:00.000Z

Angels Brought Me Here

It's been a long and winding journey
But I'm finally here tonight
Picking up the pieces
Walking back into the light
To the sunset of your glory
Where my heart and future lies
There's nothing like that feeling
When I look into your eyes

My dreams came true
When I found you
I found you
My miracle

If you could see what I see
You're the answer to my prayers
And if you can feel The tenderness I feel
You would know
It would be clear
That angels brought me here

Standing here before you
Feels like I've been born again
Every breath is your love
Every heartbeat speaks your name

My dreams came true
Right here in front of you
My miracle

Guy Sebastian

This song reminded me of the emotions and feelings i felt when i first saw the Kaabah when i went for Umrah in July...

2004-12-07T10:56:00.000Z

Do we sleep too much?

Assalamu alaykum

Assuming you sleep 8 hours a day,
once you're 60,
you would have slept 20 years of your life away!!!

Damn! Saj see what I mean?
Tis a depressing thought :(

Wassalam

2004-12-05T13:52:00.000Z

A Second Chance...

Assalamu alaykum

Through our travells in life, some people only have one chance to do things, things of little importance and maybe others of greater significance.
They either as the saying goes 'make it, or break it'
Making it resulting in success, breaking it resulting in faliure.
Once the chance has gone, its only regret thats left. Regret that enough wasnt done or regret that nothing was done.

Others more fortunate might have a lucky second chance thrown thier way. The lucky stars may have been on their side that once.
This may be valued more deeply, again leading to success, or it may be taken for granted, again leading to faliure.

Out of these chances, the greatest one is the journey of life itself.
It may be taken as quickly as it came or there may be some signs that it is coming to an end.
Other times it comes very close to this sudden end but doesnt quite meet it, maybe because of them lucky stars again but what is left is sure a second chance.
A very delicate and precious second chance.

Yesterday, on my journey, I was given this second chance.
After the adrenaline had worn off and id adjusted to the murderous pains in my back and chest, a tear rolled down my pale cheek and said 'Alhamdulillah'.

My pounding head was fiering the 'what ifs?' inside me, bursting to explode.
'What would I have said to my Lord? How would I have faced him?'

Another tear rolled down and said 'sorry'.
Unfortnately that sorry would have been futile, as id been given the chance and the choice. Id taken the choice which lead down the road of faliure rather than 'making' the most of my chance.

Now I have been given another chance to tie up the loose ends on my journey.
But if I said that 'sorry' to you now, would it be futile?
I never said it yesterday but will you accept it from me today?

A stranger is never understood by others but another tear rolls down my trembling face.
It cannot express itself as words will never convey its true meaning.
The words may fill up the ocean but the ocean will still be empty.
But will this tear be enough?
As the only emotion that this stranger can give will you accept it?
Accept it to mean all the love and apologies and all that lies inbetween, a poet so eloquently expresses through his words?

But surely my drop in the ocean will help fill the ocean?

Tears pour down my face uncontrolably, I, unable to stop them.
Its a tear for everyone of you that I have met along my journey through this life.
Please will you accept it?
Its late but dont they say 'Its never too late'?..... Or is it?

2004-12-03T11:53:00.000Z

Search for peace

Assalamu alaykum

"I searched for freedom, I found it in solitude.
I searched for serenity, I found it in silence."

Sheikh Abul Hassan Kharaghani (10th century)

2004-12-02T13:13:00.000Z

Little things to me...

Assalamu alaykum

Sometimes its little things that make big differences.
Somethings may be irrelavent to us but to others it may seem the world.

A smile - An involuntary movement of my face.
Bunch of flowers - Couple of quid from my overflowing pocket.
Asking "how are you feeling today?" - Idle chitchat to use up my time.
Offer help and assistance - Escapism so i can avoid unwanted situations.

These are just a few things i noticed yesterday, no big deal to me but the fact that it left others with that twinkle in their eye made my heart glow too.

"Kind words do not cost much.
They never blister the tongue or lips.
They make other people good-natured.
They also produce their own image on men's souls,
and a beautiful image it is."

Blaise Pascal (1623-1662)

Wassalam

2004-11-26T10:49:00.000Z

Saying Farewells

Assalaamu alaykum

As time goes by, life moves on and so do we...
Or maybe others may move on and we will be left to carry on...
It is all part of our journey through this world.

There may be times when we wish the hands on the clock would come to a halt just so that special moment can last for ever, just so that we can capture all thats being offered to us, however time never suspends and whats left are just memories, which when revisited are always pleasurable and bring a smile back to our face.

There may be times when we dont wish to live the moment, we cant wait for the light to show up at the end of the dark tunnel which just doesnt seem to end. It may seem like forever but tough times dont last either. Its not long before the chapters are closed and the new leaf is turned. These also leave imprints and are part of the 'fond memories' we collect through our travels.

Whatever the time was, it passed.
Some left their mark and others that were not as significant never.
But it was temporary all the same...

Just like the first car we had... That sadly became unrepairable after an accident.
Or the first job we had... That gradually grew too boring for our overactive minds.

Although the finality of it was inevitable, just like the finality of our lives in this world is, we refused to face the reality, disillusioning ourselves that it will last forever.
Then when the time came to part, it was all the harder to deal with, too many emotions to control, making it harder to let go.

Next time round, when we had moved along on our journey, we fell into the same trap again. Turning a blind eye to the heartache caused, we easily adapted to our new surroundings, making it 'home' again.
Even though as travellers we knew nothing would ever be home.
Even though we knew we'd be a stranger to the world and our new surroundings.
Even though we knew we'd have to part again, and the same cycle would have to be repeated.

On thursday I said my farewells at Ansaar.
Time to carry on with the rest of my journey through life I guess.
It was sad and hard.
My surroundings and everyone there had become part of me, and it had become my life.
Serving and helping those that needed me and making even a slight difference to those less privelaged in someways than me.
But as time goes on they shall find someone else to replace me, even someone a lot better than me and in due time the stranger I was when I started will be the stranger that I will become.
I shall truely miss them all though.
Well thats the price an 'Emotionless Stranger' who was just passing by through lifes journey must pay for letting the barriers down.

2004-11-22T13:43:00.000Z

Adjusting to the normality of life...

After a week of wondering around aimlessly in limbo its time to get back to the mundane duties of the world.

Ramadhan came, bringing along with it countless blessings, numerous bounties and most of all radiating our lives with its limitless noor and peace.
Some oblivious to it all, let it slip through without a thought.
Some recognised it and tried clutching on to the bare threads.
Some took all that was in their capacity and still yearned for more crying for what they had lost, with the words "cursed be he, who found the blessed month of Ramadhan, and let it pass without gaining forgiveness"(Bukhari) baring down hard on thier conscience.

However just as it had come, the moon went full circle again and Ramadhan, along with all its delights, slipped back through the dark shadows of the night.

That night some rejoiced, overjoyed for the day which lay ahead - The day of Eid.
The day which was to release them from literally the month of fasting and taking it a little deeper, the month that had shackled and bound them from committing wrong.
The now were free to do as they wished, returning back to their old ignorant ways.

That night others wept, saddened by the loss and the feeling of emptyness which replaced this month.
To them what mattered was would they be alive to welcome this month the following year, nevermind welcome Eid the following day.
Would they be alive to quench all that this month contained again?
Or was this the last time? Was this their night of saying farewell, just as many had done without knowing the previous year?

For me this night bared more resemblence to the latter.
But then time moves on and life carries on.

Eid in Leicester is always the same, quite typical really, trying not to use the word boring although at some stages it does drop to the depths of boredom but i guess its okay, the one time of the year i dont have to take my kitchen duties religiously!
It wasnt as busy as other Eids, just uncles around in the morning, a change from the varying troops of men dad usually brings home which range from merely 'friends' to the Kosovan army, uni lads who cant make it home and even doctors who have no family nearby...
Afternoons always at one of my uncles, tea time at aunts and evening where everybody comes home.
There! said it all in one breath!
No highlights as such but then as it is the only one of the two Eids in a year that we have with dad, I guess thats something in itself :)
Following day, went to Blackburn. Twas great got to see everyone but then came the inevitable 'Mariah you have to stay over, you promiced us you would!' Argh! :$
Met up with Saf and Asi, was great seeing both of em darlings. Two lovely sisters mashaallah.
Remainder of the week was just picking up strings where id left off before Ramadhan, but still trying to clutch on to the bits left by Ramadhan. Did that by fasting ahem '6 Shawwal fasts' all week.
Now back to work.

Funny how in a short span of time we adapt to the norms quite well again.
But then as travellers in this transitory life I guess we have to eh?
As a stranger theres no such thing as getting 'attached'...

2004-11-12T18:57:00.000Z

NO MOON was sighted therefore NO EID

Assalamu alaykum

Yes I have come to blog before I said I would but circumstances today have me wanting to turn somewhere to pour out everything...

The moment the words Eid Mubarak were first heard by my ears after Mahgrib today had me speachless, gobsmacked, upset, pissed, frustrated, annoyed, sad, angry and then after all of that had brewed up and bubbled out finally numb and hollow wanting to do nothing other than cry.

My post is not aimed at anyone in particular at all and especialy not at those that visit my blog but its just something i need to let out and here seemed a good place to let the steam off.
This is also a way of explanation to those wondering why i am not doing Eid with the majority of England and Saudi Arabia although i do not need to explain myself at all but just to make those less aware of what is happening and i believe we all need to know the truth.

Before i carry on I would like to reassure you all I am not a biddati/barelwi/sounderlandi or god knows what else they are called coz i do think that question is going through many peoples minds right now... I am a sunni muslim like the rest of you all who does not have any qualms with our ulema.

Year in and year out, every Ramadhan, every Eid, every Hajj the same thing happens, there is a controversy and we are divided.
This time i was confident, very confident to tell the truth that this division and controversy would not be there.
The moon was only born Friday, November 12, 2004, at 14:28 Universal Time.
Noway could it have been sighted anywhere in the world for especially in Saudi Arabia for there to be Eid on Saturday.
How they decided on saturday I do not know. I am gutted. I feel empty.
A stranger all alone in a world where my friends and my family shall not be doing eid the same day as me. Again.
But then you do have to stand up for what is right even if you are alone yeah?

I am not saying those doing eid on saturday are sinners coz it has nothing to do with the general public. The decision makers are accountable.

If only they would stand up and stick to what is right.
If only they didnt decide to follow blindly.

Okay there is far to many emotions displayed here for a stranger who proclaims to be emotionless.

May Allah guide us all on the straight path and may there be unity oneday Inshaallah.

Wassalam

2004-10-30T22:02:00.000+01:00

Good Bloggedy Bye

Assalamu alaykum

I cant be asked to blog no more.
Im going ona bloggyland strike :D
Guess i might catch you all after ramadhan coz its too time consuming aswell...

Feel free to still pitch down whenvever you wish ;)
You wana get in touch then sure, mail me, msn me, text me, phone me, write to me, even come visit me ;) whateva takes your fancy :p

Tek cre and please remember me in ya duahs :)
All my Luv+Duahs.

Wassalam
Mariah

2004-10-27T21:14:00.000+01:00

I did everything but nothing of importance...

Its 2am. Sleep is threatening to invade me, trying to get the better out of me whilst im praying my Quraan. Giving in, I finish off and in the blink of an eye lid, as quick as it takes to close the quraan this sleep vanishes.
I knew it was a fake.
I knew sleep didnt want to really welcome me into its intriguing depths but it was just my weakness that deludes me that it was genuine.

After hours of staring into nothingness, thinking of everything but nothing of importance I drift off into slumberland, although the visit here is very shortlived.

A few hours later I attempt my Surah Yaseen, the daily recitation of which was a solemn promise id made to my great grandmother that id do whilst choking on my tears as she lay in her shroud with the most magnificent light radiating from her beautiful face.
Funy to say that as time wore on this promise had become more and more neglected as it was frequented less often.

But today my memory wishes to fail me and has decided to let me down.
I reach for my Quraan and open it slowly, much slower than it had been closed a few hours before, but all I see is the nothingness.
No words to reassure me that what I am praying is correct.

A fear starts creeping in, causing me to become tongue twisted, going round and round in circles ending up where I started instead of where im supposed to finish.
Frustration building up, I curse my dim lamp for also letting me down.
For failing to be the bright light it is when id indulge myself for hours doing everything but nothing of importance.

I turn to the last and only thing thats left,
Hoping it will show me the light i crave,
Praying it will break me from my trance,
Hoping it will break this cloud of darkness,
Praying it will reassure me my fears are futile...

I feel for the switch, I hear the 'click' but all I see is the nothingness.
I try for the second time and then again.
The fears creeping higher but I try calm my nerves, although I cant stop the salty tear drop, making myself belive its a faulty light... maybe its the electricity...
However the floodgates are forcing to burst forth, I try push them shut.
Fidling with the switch again, I hear a voice questioning why am I playing with the light, but I cannot see anyone but I feel the presence far too strong and near to even disillusion myself that its coming from a distance.

That confirmation hitting home hard on reality was the final straw. It broke and the floodgates id been holding back with all my might and strength broke free, bursting with tears gushing out.

Nothing had failed me today.
I. Had. Failed. Myself. period.
Admitting these truthful and honest words caused immence pain and hurt but then reality's harsh and truth hurts.
The lights everywhere were fine but I was the one deprived from its warmth and security.
My only companion was the nothingness, the darkness which now enveloped me.

In the hours, days, months and years to come I would have to traim myself to regard this nothingness as my comfort haven where I would retreat, trying to do something of importance, trying to make up for all them lost hours, days, months and years when id had the oppertunity to do everything, but id done nothing of importance.

My greatest loss is the deprivation of the most blessed gift from my creator...
The times when it would sit there on my shelf collecting dust, staring at me with pleading eyes, begging me to take it and read it, but everytime id ignored it, id neglected it, id read everything but nothing that was of importance.
Now I have to pay, and live with my regret through the remainder of my days in darkness.
Having taken the countless blessing bestowed on me by my creator for granted, I have to pay for my ungratefulness.
When I had all I never acknowledged them, but now I have one less, still ungrateful as ever, I complain to my creator, instead of thanking for all the others...

Never again will I see the gorgous sun and its beautiful colours when setting and rising...
Never again will I see the miraculous tiny baby with its perfect little everythings...
Never again will I read any of the Quraan just to gain the pleasure of my creator...
Never again will I be able to read the greatest story of stories - the most beautiful story in the Quraan - that of Prophet Yusuf (A.S)...
Never again will I be able to read the greatest poetry of poems - the most magnificent poetry in the Quraan - that of Surah Nab'a...
That whose verces fill your heart and lift you to the highest peaks.
The rhythm, rhyme and metre of which no poet could ever compete against...

This along with all other bounties, I shall now never see again has left me hollow with the biggest hole in my heart.
But no amount of regret, no amount of tears shall ever fill this hole...

If only... If only id used what id been given to read all the good, to see all the good and to look at all the good...
But no point saying it now.
The world is filled with Ifs...
If everything was Ifed nothing would ever be...
But my heart sighs as it still cries...
'If only id done nothing much but just a little something of importance...'

2004-10-24T20:40:00.000+01:00

Iftaari at Ansaar

Assalamu alaykum

Yesterday was a busy day... starting with having to cook for visitors and then going with Maryam to Jame for a bayaan n ahem on the way i 'accidentally' stepped into a puddle, no big deal is there reali :p we live in England we have loadz of em n ok so tel me hu hasnt stepped into 1? yeah there bet none of u will put ur hands up now eh? :p

Well Maryam found it extremely hillarious and then urghhhh stupid tramp started kicking puddles at me all the way home, my clothes were utterly n terribly soggy thanx to her!

Had a complete change of clothes and went to Ansaar.

I was looking forward to the people bit but was dreading the food bit...
Well whats new there? nuffing eh, but uh i tried being discreet dint do so well n got pestered but i ignored it :D Went for salah n spent aages thort it'd work but *sighs* :( so hu cares, Miss Ignoramous is the trick ;)

Sisters from Leicester Uni came too... quite friendly mashaallah, but then hu ses it wasnt me that was the friendly one eh :p yeah well i told em i was chinese and they all beleived me, started commenting on my eyes being bent etc :p i egged em on, lol it was jokes, cudnt believe how they really actually beileved me but then when i was leaving i told em n said my good byes all in guji n boy were they shocked LOL!

they like nah man honestly tel us the truth wherd u learn your guji, i was like errrm i am one :p

was nice to know that for once i wasnt the one being fooled :D

anyways thats enuf from me.. tek cre n plzzz dua ma yaad, wassalam and luv to all my ghaderas!

2004-10-21T21:36:00.000+01:00

Superman Sumersault causes mashed up leg...

Assalamu alaykum

Yesterday my sis was praying her salah ina place where it bloked me from geting by... i was standing on my bed.

I didnt want to wait not even 30 secs until she finished so i calculated that when she goes in sajdah, she'll be down for at least 5 secs giving me enuf time to do a flying jump over her, but silly fool was up in less than three secs, tripping me up having me flying SLAPBANGHWACK!! right into the door!

Now i have a massive bruise right above my knee and it kills like hell, cant bend it either :(

oh well theres the other voice playing at the back of my head "Verily patience is a virtue..."
i shouldv listened eh?

Wassalam, plz dont laugh at me...

2004-10-19T21:03:00.000+01:00

Live Taraweeh from Saudi

Assalamu alaykum

On this site there are four channels:

For Medinah click on Saudi Arabia TVchannel2.
For Makkah click on ALMajd Satellite TV.

Try at about 6 pm UK time, thats when they start easha salah...

2004-10-18T14:28:00.000+01:00

Ramadhan...

Assalamu alaykum

I guess my Ramadhan Mubarak is due...(i so dint wana blog, but its beter late than never :p)

Its troddling on and time is ticking away.. rather fast really...
Today nearly enough a hole month lies ahead of me.. tomorrow ill look back and say where did the time go?
Did i do all that needed to be done.. did i make the most of it..
Its the same cycle year after year...
First few days maybe theres some enthusiasm.. but then we fall into a passive routine...
When will we realise the importance... when will we appreciate this great blessing?
Sadly i guess when its too late to make a significant change...

2004-10-14T13:39:00.000+01:00

Umrah trip, cont...

Speeded up recovery

On saturday fajr time my grandparents and cousins that had spent thier week in Makkah came to join us inMedinah. Seeing those i loved loadz brought a bout of life into me and had me back on the go alhtough i still wasnt quite well yet.In all my excitement and happiness i got through the day and alhamdulillah. I was back to my old self, just the mariah with a yuky nose and a blasted cough!

Last week

The rest of my stay in medinah went extremely quickly. But then thats how it is when time flies eh?
Friends

I met quite a few of my friends too. They day after i was quite ill i met my school friend Zainab, I was mega chuffed to see her as i hadnt seen anyone i knew yet except for my old teacher on the first day.After that i saw a college friend, Ikrama in the afternoon oneday. That same evening i saw her again after maghrib and we sat having a chat/praying together. After esha we saw Maryam and i was well happy. lol It was great! The three of us chatted for a bit n then sadly it wastime to leave.

A couple of days later i saw Maryam again whilst praying salam. It was nearly time to go so we went out together and stayed together chatting whilst waiting for asr. We were jsut having a laugh and catching up on goss when my mum came and told us off for doing guppah instead of praying lol. After that i never saw her again :(

2004-10-14T13:36:00.000+01:00

Umrah trip, cont...

Becoming ill

Thursday i started getting high temperatures, my nose bleeds still quite constant had been named blood bogies and my petty cold had turned into a horrendous flu. My coughs very much like some sorta smokers cough were causing my whole breathing system trouble, leaving me unable to eat very much due to pain whilst swallowing too. Even just getting zamzam down was seeming like a mission.

Friday took a turn for the worst. Unfortunately the sands of Baqi werent quite so ready to welcome me, so i ended up living through the worst of it.
This was the one day i dint go to do salam.
My family, much to my dissapointment didnt wake me up to go to the haram for fajr, but only when they got back so i had to pray at the hotel. Something which i was intending on not doing at all.
Jummah i went, although it was very draining. I was literally living off the blessed and sweet fresh air of Medinah as even drinking zamzam would kill my insides, leaving me rolling on the floor in a coughing fit.
I so did think i was about to die everytime i coughed, with tears streaming down my face quite involuntarily.

As the haram started to fill up and my sitting place started to get limited, my hole bosy was aching like hell. Sitting was causing way too much pain but i doubt standing or even lieing down would have done much good either.
I really dont know how i managed to get through it all, but i did somehow through Allahs mercy but i was in no fit state to get back to the hotel which was less than a two min walk but would have seemed like a two hour walk this friday.

I had to resort to the one thing that id slag off for doing, the one thing which got on my nerves and would have me rambling on about how the masjid wasnt a hotel! That was lie down myself.

I told my sis come back for me at half two and wed go for sala as i hadnt yet been. I only inteded to have a likkle rest.
she came back so she said but that i was fast asleep so she left me as i was. I only woke up when the asr adhan was going on.
Obviously now my wudhu had gone so i had to get back home.
I didnt make it back for asr that day.
After asr i went to the hospital with my mom coz she was mega ill too, and as mentioned before i dint have a very good time there either. The doc was a dodo n he gave me paracetamol, id already told him id had loadz of them but khair...
Neither did i go for maghrib. Praying in the hotel was becoming a habit, one which i dint like at all.
I scambled up all the energy i had to make it to the haram for Esha.

2004-10-14T13:26:00.000+01:00

Umrah trip, cont...

Qur'aan

My main aim whilst i was there was to try my best to learn the few juz of the qur'aan i had learnt once upon a time a very long time ago. Some parts wich had sadly faded into my distant memory, as the only time i quite embaressed to they get visited again(revision wise) are in ramadhan/ holidays.

However this would proove to be quite an attraction point for many people much to my annoyance! I find the only i can memorize things is by praying relatively loud. This would bring forward crowds whod wish to listen, start asking questions or merely just to even say mashaallah.

O.k fine to a certain extent, but it was one helluva distraction and im not very good company when i want to be alone! I wanted to get cracking but it dint seem that i was to do very well. Although i would try and ignore for a while but id end up geting tongue twisted, urgh!

2004-10-14T11:42:00.000+01:00

Umrah trip *rolls eyes*

Assalamu alaykum

Months have gone by and i havnt yet finished blogging about my umrah trip as i promised those that wanted to hear from me how it was...

Medinah

Last i wrote about was my first day in Medinah.
During the rest of my 11 days there, i built up pretty much a routine of how id spend my time to try and make maximun use of it.
Living just outside the haram was a great bonus adding to how easily i adapted to the lifesyle.

However we got there and my nosebleeds which are very common in Medinah (like they have been on past occasions) started again. This time bringing along with it a bit of a cold and caough too.

Rough rutine

Having known what the peek times were from our first day, i mainly spent my day as follows:
Fajr - Stay in haram after salah for about an hour...
Sleep
Salam - wake up about 9 to go for salam. Stay a good few hours, well until the babaric women start geting on my nerves and i honestly feel im gona go home a mashed potato :p
Breakfast time - bout time i got home and had sumit to eat coz by now mom would be screaming that i wasnt to go on no starvation diet!
Dhur - Asr - Stay in haram, pray or go for salam again.
Asr - Maghrib - was quite a long gap so would go back to the hotel, eat (thats if i felt like it wich wasnt often :p) nap, go in hunt for 1 riyal ice cream...
Maghrib - Esha - Sit and pray in haram.
After Esha - well they kik you out real quick o u gota be speedios, and then go for walkies round the haram, medinah at nice is soo peaceful, gorgoues mashaallah.
Sleep till fajr.

2004-10-12T13:25:00.000+01:00

Bored eh?

Assalamu alaykum

Watching Qari Abdul Basits facial expressions which are extremely amusing and facinating (aswell as his quraan being more than brilliant)is a good way to get the clock ticking away...

Gota give him credit for being king of qiraat mashsaallah. May Allah reward him for this act of ibaadah. Ameen

I love listening to all the different voices, tunes, paces in which everyone prays when sitting collectively together...

Ramadhan comes and the excess qur'aan starts to get prayed. Looking forward to the atmosphere when they're al sitting to pray, learning what needs to be learnt for taraweeh.. its great mashaallah!

hmm duno about sitting listening to my brother tho *rolls eyes*
Hes all chuffed about performing this year but doesnt seem very unnerved about having to learn it all :p

Wassalam

2004-10-11T16:02:00.000+01:00

Antisocial Song

You've asked if I'm OK eleven times now, I've told you I feel fine.
Yes, I like the table you've chosen. Yes, I'm having a good time.
No, I don't want a sip of your beer. No, the music is not too loud.
Yes, I'm happy to be sitting here, I just like to watch the crowd.
You could call me antisocial, I've called myself that sometimes too,
but I just prefer to be alone, and that's nothing against you.
You could call and there's no answer, chances are I'm
You could call and there's no answer, chances are I'm just not answering my phone.
You could call me antisocial, I've called myself that a time or two,
but I just prefer to be alone, and that's nothing against you.
Today's a sweet day to get away. Perhaps I might go for a walk.
I can hear those corn fields calling me. Funny, but I didn't think a corn field could talk.
I don't think that I will bathe today, I think I smell alright to me.
I think I'll find a forest and take off all my clothes and lie down naked in the leaves.
You could call me antisocial, I've called myself that sometimes too,
but I just prefer to be alone, and that's nothing against you.
No, no, that's nothing against you.

(Dawud Wharnsby Ali)

2004-10-11T13:06:00.000+01:00

Last day at Ansaar :(

dont have much else to say other than im gona miss em all and it was mega sad saying cyah to them too, they're breaking up for ramadhan and although i will see them for the iftaari meals etc i gues it'll be different, dont know what the future holds and thinking about after ramadhan is way too far... They're a lovely bunch of people, and my hearts go out to them coz of their patience and courage something which we lack a helluva lot in. May Allah reward em and bless em with the best in the akhirah for what they have sacrificed with patience in this life. Ameen

Ill miss the helpers too, who became good friends of mine, although many years older than me.. i was the youngest and lol they just found me sweet so most of em would just pet me round like a lil kid, but they were a great group of women and may Allah reward them for the time and effort they have give to help this good cause. Ameen

Weakend with Maryam

Well times go by when you wont see your friends in aaages and other times where you see em quite often, well maryam came home on saturday, thanx maryam :d u made my day lol and the funniest bit was when you dint know where Dorothy road was :p haha, u walk round with your eyes closed or what love :p
then she kinda pesterd me to go to masjid Omar jalsa with her so on sunday morning i was up for about 8ish all set to be ready to go and to be there for 9.
i came out the bath n silly fool was like im not well i dont wana go, i was ballistic! lol i told her she beta geta move on n get ready :p
It was okay alhamdulillah, some bits were great, and the lil kiddies were ever so cute mashaallah although maryam couldnt help laughing at em, tut!
With maryam you cant help laughing about stupid stuff and then as shes already told ahem most people there was some woman who kept and staring at me, maryam found it hillarious and thought the woman probebly fancied me or sumit :p i was quite unnerved coz im used to that now, happens everywhere i go, esp weddings :p some also have the nerve to come and hava chat, but yeah gets embarrasing :p well i just sat n stared at the woman (rude of me) and i managed to outstare her :d
well thats it from me but just be warned those of you who uh ever have to spend time with maryam, yeah shes great company but be warned ull turn loony at the end of it :p

Wassalam and tek cre ;)

2004-10-08T09:57:00.000+01:00

Another Blunder

Assalamu alaykum

Okies i had no intention whatsoever of blogging about this but seen as maryam and sajeda have gone to great lengths n taking the mik, fabricating their story n so on jus so that everyone is aware of it, i think i beta explain exactly what happened :$

A coupla days ago, round about Fajr time, probably half 6ish, maryam and i were having a txt chat, wich is perfectly normal coz i uh yeah do txt ppl at all odd hours of the night, anyways bak to the point, i uh by mistake txtd maryams house number insted of her mobile.. well perfectly good reason for that too, her home number was stored first on my fone so i pressed send on that by mistake :$ put it down to sleepiness or whatever but it surely wasnot sumit i intended to do to make a fool outa myself.
Well anyways txting her home fone resulted in it ringing down her end... and as maryam puts it the all had a panik attack (note the exagguration :p) saying that hu the hel is ringing at this time of day, well down my end it probably wudv been perfectly normal seen as having sum sorta international dad results in stupid fone calls from india/bengal/pakistan/kosovo/albania, u name it at all odd hours of the night.. well to her relatively peaceful houshold they thought this fone call at fajr was to give em news of someones death or watever...

It obviously was some operator woman passing on the message that id written in my txt.. i have to say thanx a million i seriously hadnt written anything stupid and dum n probably the wierdest bit was sumit id written in guji, nuffin attrocious mind you, just sumit like bo tandi lage if i recall correctly... anyways as maryams put it 'my txt lang' it aint all that bad, i jus do mega condensing so probably the woman cudnt read it right aswell as the guji bit wich is obviously asking for faar too much from an english woman :p

ok thats what happened and erm maryams hole family heard it, but thankfully her dad dint understand but the rest of em were creasing in hysterics (so she ses *rolls eyes*) :$ :$

anyways for those that soo wanted to know what happened there it is :p

now please DO NOT and i repeat DO NOT take the mik :s
( i so wonder why stupid things only happen to me?)

wassalam

2004-10-06T10:16:00.000+01:00

Long awaited trip to Bburn

Assalamu alaykum

Went to Blackburn at the weakend, hadnt been all summer, last i probably went was before umrah and before that was col/exams so um along time ago basically.. well to some it'll be like whats the big deal, and regardless of how boring bburn can get i have to admit my holidays arent complete or i cant say i had a holiday if i dint go bburn... i gues its probly coz its my birthtown and down under there is something that attracts me to the place however much id like to deny it...

Id say that thing was my grandparents, fair enough, we have to visit our relatives but to me its more that just that, from as long back as i can recall, iv spent weeks alone without my family in bburn looking after the oldies, starting with at first staying with my greatgran down at her house, and it aint no secret, at the time it was absolutely hell, nuffin but 4 walls and a mashed up radio with only FM to entertain me, but i know i still loved it. tThat time was rare and precious, something we all know wouldnt last for ever as time never suspends and we all have to go back to where we came from..
now that shes gone, i cant just discard that part of my past and do away with my bburn holidays, i now love to go and do the same for my two grandparents... people may think, what is there to talk about with them when your gujirati is soo ununderstandable but theres a feeling of peace and satisfaction from even simple things like cutting thier nails for them... just to know they appreciate you, makes my day...

Latest visitor

Yesterday i had some more visitors... an extremely tiering day but i really dint mind doing for this molana from India. Not just coz he was a great man or it was his father that was but because when i went to india my dad took us to the place where he studied and that was the only real highlight of my trip in india, the only place that i truly enjoyed, the rest of india i hated but these people were no ordinary people, that fact that they were from a very God fearing family was more than apparent... So warm and welcoming, our three days at their homes was deifnately not enough, regardless of the fact that we couldnt even speak urdu we still enjoyed our time their with the kids and they made us feel more than at home.. on the last day they even cried soo much when we left, that i also cried, i never even cried when we left my grans place but i did with these people... All i can say is may Allah reward them for their extreme kindness and hospitality..

okies thats all from me, tek cre inshaallah wassalam

2004-09-28T18:08:00.000+01:00

Night of 15th Shabaan

Assalamu alaykum

On this night Allah showers his blessings upon us and opens up his doors of mercy and forgiveness.
Please make the most of this blessed night, indulging in as much repentence as possible with the sincere intention in mind that yes i have sinned, but from now inshaallah i vow not to do that sin again...
If we are sincere in our begging then Allah will be there to guide us and help us as Allah helps those that wished to be helped...
Its not too late and we can change our ways... we can make the rest of life left on this dunya for the better starting with a clean sheet today in our new book of records for this coming year...

Please remember me especially in your pious and humble duahs :)

Inshaallah you will all be in mine...

Wassalam

2004-09-24T10:11:00.000+01:00

Duno what to do

Assalamu alaykum

Okay im ina bit of a dilemma here, so need some help...
Well this saturday is erm the bukhari jalsa in Kidderminister, and I really wanted to go, well partly because me and Maryam wouldv gone together and obviously when your with maryam you just hava real great laff of a life time... we wudv just chilled and erm craked up about stupid things etc,
So beginning of this week i told her lets go, so she was like okay...

Yesterday mom came out with were going Birmingham, my masis house, aint been ina while, so i wana go coz i can chill with my cuzzins and stuff... i guess we wont get to soon again because dads goin on his travels again next week, soo damn not fair, he only got bak n hes goin Syria and Turkey, i told him plzzz lemi come with you, he goes i wont be able to look after you nah im not takin you :( so well seen as its his last weakend at home were goin brum. I love goin to ma cuzins coz i love em to bits and we have loadza fun together...

Now yesterday i rang maryam to book our places and today she rang me saying shes booked em, and that the only reason shes going is because of me and that without me it wont be fun so i HAVE to go.. i soo wana but i soo wana go 2 ma cuzins too :(

gues beggars cant be choosers, i cant do both but i so wana do both, my fam wont go brum on sunday coz they wana go ikea on sat so they can dec the room on sun...

Now what do i do? Where shall i go?

Wassalam, catch u all laters..

2004-09-24T09:46:00.000+01:00

Your health and wealth...

Assalamu alaykum

"Funny how when we are young, we spend all of our health in a vast pursuit to gain wealth, but when we become older, we spend our wealth in a vast pursuit to revive our health. "
-Shaykh Muzaffer Ozak Al-Jerrahi

2004-09-21T14:41:00.000+01:00

Nuffin to say...

Assalamu alaykum

Well i duno what to blog about as i have nothing to say.. nuffin interesting or great that i can share with you my thoughts and feelings...

anyways seems like my erm resolution to do as many posts before ramadhan to make up for the lack of it during that month aint goin too well...

So Ramadhan is nearly here, another year gone, another year finished... another year of exactly (well more or less) the same pattern and rutine, missing the odd fajrs here n there n listening to the odd bit of music here n there and praying the odd bit of quraan here and there.. what happened to the all or nothing rule huh? guess shaytaan is sitting and grinning whilst im here dying of remorse n regret.. nice one eh? blame it on him the stupid plonka when you aint really got an excuse for your wrong deeds... well what is an excuse anyway? blah i dont belive in em..

Last year i imposed a self ban on myself to refrain from msn and i proudly succeeded and was well chuffed as many of my msn buddies were with me too.. this year i doubt im gona do it, duno if ill be able to coz at the odd times it did get a tad bit hard to like not even take a peek, well great to know i gota lil bit of will power! hmm well i dont msn much anymore anyway so it shudnt be a problem, i think jus the doin naffalls the problem...

hmm well what have i been up to since i last blogged, okies a quik run down...

Saturday had me a bit emotional with that feeling of loss and im sooo gona miss it, no i aint talking about my visitors, are they really visitors? to me they're just a flow of people in and out of my house, never ending, just constant havock and a mess up of an imaginary rutine of life.. well i guess this flow is rutine... we've learnt to live with it now, no matter how crappy you feel, no matter how ill you are n no matter how peed you are that you cant do what you want coz of darn people that youre never gona chat to and to think of it as my dad says 'reward', yeah i guess that is there, these buzrooks do mek duah for us etc but its pisfying nonetheless...

just because dad feels he has to live up to his name of Ebrahim and have some characteristics of the great Prophet Ebrahim (a.s), apparently he was a very guest loving person, who would not eat a meal without having someone to join him and if he never had anyone hed go hunt one down.. well dad dont exactly do that but he does go out of his way.. or does fate go out of its way to have em on our doorstep?

yeah so gettin back to what i was talking about, when you have that feeling of oh i wish it was here, but then thats how you feel dont you, when its there you never appreciate it, never acknowledge it, never make the most of it, but once its gone woah i wanttt itttt.. lol thats how im feeling now that my computer that sat and collected dust for literally donkeyes years has been taken into school coz my mums like they can make better use of it there... nah i aint jelous that shes taken it or ewt, its just that i miss its presence.. and sometimes i think of i cudve done sumit on there..*sighs* oh well thats life eh, you only miss the good things once theyve gone and not mr comp must be thinking hah! till now you dissed the hell out of me coz i wasnt windows xp, now u miss me eh?

Sunday my gran went to blackburn, nah i aint saying good riddence old biddy but it sure is great to have your bed back to yourself, nah i dont share it, i cant do that so i end up donating it and end up sleeping on the floor, downstairs wherever might aswell be the bath tub could be more cosier, serious...
hmm its even more great to just have that maximum limit of 3 souls breathing in that one room, honestly anything above that, which it obviously gets when that just one extra person floods into my house has us down each others necks, not lying man its baad, but then were kids what do you expect huh?

Monday i had to wake up flaming early coz i was goin to ansaar, well i was gona go to that islamic studies inset thingy on education and methods of teaching and god knows watelse but ansaar and my likkle fwends seemed more appealing to me :p yeah i did go for a bit, it was interesting coz it was onabout objectives behind the way the west teach, which is to make one proud of themselves so that they can reach the top of the ladder and be above the rest opposed to the islamic method of education which teaches humility, e.g all teacher and pupils sitting on the floor etc...
Ansaar was cool, you just feel that extra bit chuffed when your with them special people, trust man!
well since i was the only one there whos really the computer miss, they had me sitting doin comp stuff, yeah including battling with a damn printer, honestly i hate them darned things! i think i reluctantly have to agree with the 'bloke' that took great care in telling me women and technology so does not go! oh well u win, i admit it...

Tuesday, well we've started the backroom decorating i think i better say it all in full rather than just saying weve started strippin as i said to someone on msn yesterday, he was like "huh?" i go "yeah my whole family were stripping today" n he was like "whattt?" i go "downstairs init", n hes like "ur gona strip? all of u stripping together, downstairs aswell?" i go "yeah back room", n by this time he was having a right heartattack, like "mariah what the hel?? what do you mean your stripping?? you got some party on or what?" n then i cottoned on, i was like "noooooo we aint bloomin strippers, i mean the damn wallpaper you fool", n he was like oh, "make yourself clearer next time please" n jus said a hasty goodbye n made an exsit, poor soul! yeah so we are decorating, and the room is a bomshell, need i say more? guess sajeda can explain how decorating is since shes the expert whos always on the job :p and nah i dont go stand on silly tables, ever heard of a ladder miss :p

hmm yeah hada nother interesting convo on msn too, i gues its men, they too have terrible pmt problems and im not lying, well it was kinda funny coz the dude started banging at me for my pik wich was of a guy, i so dint get what he was saying at first but basically he wanted to take his anger out and thats what he thort hed do it via, well hes like what the hel you lookin at porn for? my pik was only of a guy, his face nuffin else i promice.. i go huh u call that porn? (he hada pik of a lil lads face) so i go man my guys body's exposed as much as ur laddy's body is exposed there that makes you a peado haha :p n he was fuming, hes like its haraam you cant look at men n blah, i go yeah i know that, inshaallah ill change it but not now just for you..

anyways it turned out he was mardy with me coz i think last week i never chatted to him n he sed sumit n i went offline, he thort i was blanking him (basically saying piss off i dnt wana know you) so he was terribly offended, i go oh my that what your heated about, least you couldv done was asked why, anyways there was a reason, you want the long story or the short one, yeah if someone asks you that always go for the long one please coz ofta like 10 dozen short statements you really do wish youd gone for the former option coz it makes a helluva lot more sence!
anyways i go yeah i was dieng from a ruptured ear so i had to dash! hes like what, i go there you go :p well my sis was doin cswk, n you know how it is in yr 11 (woweee *rolls eyes*) anyways after like 5 extended dedlines they start paniking a little bit, well shes nipped out to the loo so i pounced on the comp, needed to passa msg on so whilst doin that, this dude goes why aint you talking to me? insted of a simple reply like coz im busy, well you see im stupid, i chat stupid so i gave a stupid reply, sumit like coz i dint fancy you no more, and coz sis was now bellowing like you soo stupid why did you say that, i quickly ran off msn before my ear did really die on me.

anyways that one statement had him soo upset, poor laddy like dint i hava better way of saying i no longer wish to chat to you, oh i so did think people understood my stupid manner of talking by now, but i guess not so pmt, hormones, whatever else were playing up n i was tangled in some debate about my fit orlando bloom picture :p

damn this is soo flamin long, what the hel have i written in here? who said they dint have anything to say? surely wasnt me ;)
anyways mehman again tonite, so i gota get some cooking done, catch you all laters inshaallah, tek cre inshaallah, sorry for long post, pwomice not to blog tomorrow inshaallah, ok thats enuf of the inshaallahs lol thats how my dads conversations go by the way, inshallah one million n one times :p sounds kinda funny anyways wassalam

2004-09-17T13:32:00.000+01:00

Forgiveness...

The Qur'an guides you to the recognition of your illnesses
and to their remedies.
Your illness are your sins,
and your medicine is seeking Allah's Forgiveness.

Qatadah

2004-09-16T11:05:00.000+01:00

Yuk! I aint sticking my gob down your gob!

Well what would you do if you were faced with an emergency where u see sum dude dropped down dead on the floor? Would you do the mouth to mouth resuscitations without thinking twice about bacteria etc or would you think eugh im not doing it, i might end up with a virus so let him die until the ambulance arrives...

Its a tough decision, one you probably wouldnt have to make very often at all, if anything itd probably be with one of your family members wich i guess we wouldnt mind as much and very rarely sum dude out on the street...

Yesterday i went on my first aid training course. It was great, informative and interesting...
Thankfully we didnt have to work on real people, we had dummies, phew! If it was sum fit dude i guess we wouldnt mind kissing him to death (ironic aint it, bicharo your supposed to be keeping him alive but your too engrossed in him that you forget about that aspect :p)

If it was my brother i wouldnt mind doing the heart thumping bit, id do it extra hard aswell :p

But onething an unconscious body is sooo damn difficult to work with. It obviously wont co-operate so i mean youd probably end up breaking some bones whilst putting em in the recovery position, hmm well freaky i think id end up dieng of panik attack in that situation!
But i guess youd have to be very cool calm n collected coz u gota pay attention to them, i doubt id be able to see the chest going up and down never mind hear or feel the breathing.

I wanted to see how the di fib worked, but obviously there was no ded or nealy dieng body there so that wasnt very possible but i wana know how they jump up when they react to the electric current.

Overall it was very beneficaial and inshaallah i wont have to use it but saying im from a very accident prone family, including myself, i gues the bandaging tacktics will come in use but we had to do it because of the kind of people we work with, some of em are known to have a history of epilepsy etc..some are ill.. so all was for the good i guess.

Wassalam

2004-09-14T21:23:00.000+01:00

Ouch!

Assalamu alaykum

Peaches have a gorgeous velvety and smooth skin, lovely to feel but dont ever put it against your cheek to feel how nice it is...
coz it'll itch like hell afterwards!

okies thats sumit i learnt today so i have an even redder tomatofied cheek...

Wassalam

2004-09-13T13:28:00.000+01:00

A duah for us all...

1. In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

2. Praise be to Allah, the Cherisher and Sustainer of the worlds;

3. Most Gracious, Most Merciful;

4. Master of the Day of Judgment.

5. Thee do we worship, and Thine aid we seek.

6. Show us the straight way,

7. The way of those on whom Thou hast bestowed Thy Grace, those whose (portion) is not wrath, and who go not astray.

Ameen :)

2004-09-11T19:29:00.000+01:00

My plea...

Assalamu alaykum

With one step i did not dream of so many steps being taken, by so many people.
Whether i should feel guilty for this and my first step and all my steps inbetween but i sure as hell do, and i do blame myself for alot of what has happened.

Things blew out of proportion, misunderstandings took place and a great deal of hurt was caused to everyone.
Words that were daggers to everyones heart,
but i believe they were all said unintentionaly without the deliberate intent to hurt...
but with shaytaan playing the biggest role,
and right now, whilst were all sitting and crying he is laughing,
But thats life...

I am not lieing when i say this so please believe me,
Even though the these wounds shall take long to heal,
Even though the scars of these wounds shall stay,
(Just like the big dagger wound above(last post)
I will not delete it and will leave it there to represent the massive scar,)
I forgive.
I harbour no ill feelings towards any of you,
and hate non of you either, ( i never did hate)
You could say I love you all the more now for the sake of Allah.

I believe the world is too short to hold grudges against others,
(thats why what i felt and thought is above)
Its too short to go round hurting others,
(i did, coz i have an impulse to blab, but trust i regret)
But that happens and maybe there was hikhmah behind it...

This is when Islam and its beauty plays its role.
Allah has given us, mankind a great gift, the ability to break down our pride,
and beg, grovel, stoop, do what is needed to ask for forgiveness.

Here i am trying to do exactly the same,
please all of you, do not doubt me one bit,
I dont wana die today having made enemies and caused so much hurt,
So plese forgive me.

I have been able to use this gift,
so plese will you use it too?
Please tell me you have the ability to utilise this gift,
and not just thrust it aside.
Until you dont use it Allah will never forgive me...

Im crying here, please forgive me.

2004-09-10T19:17:00.000+01:00

The Precious Something...

Assalamu alaykum

When you give your heart to something...
Something which you believe in with every fibre in your body...
Something which you gve your life to just for the sake of Allah...
Something that you dont care loosing food and sleep over just to that it will make a slight difference...

And then to see it drip away...
Infront of your eyes, through your hands...
Unable to grasp hold of it...
Even a tiny bit of this something precious...

It kills you apart...
Even every single sinew of your heart...

This precious something slipped away from some very special and beautiful people...
Some genuine people...
Who never hid themselves behind a mask of perfection...
Who never attempted claiming to be what they were'nt...
Who did all they could without wanting acknowledgement...

Because of a harsh tongue and an arrogant mind...

This precious something could have been run after...
All difficulties and hardships put aside...
Just for its sake, a deep plunge in the ocean would have been made...

But when the one with a harsh tongue and an arrogant mind...
(I still fail to comprehend how mankind can be as such...)
Fired all his guns...
All his pent up frustration used in fiering these guns...
The crumbs pf this precious something that we were picking up were throen back in his face...

It hurt, It sure did hurt like crazy...
One said iv cried out all my tears, my eyes are dry but i still hurt...
Another said iv filled up the seven oceans with my tears and i can still cry more...

And this didnt bother the one witha harsh tongue and an arrogant mind...
He didnt care when he said it and he shall never care...
Thats why there is no point in saying more to him...
Responding to his shots, coz he with his attitude will not change...
It happened once, it happened again...
It may have happened many times,
But if he wanted to learn from a mistake...
It would have been long ago...

What does it matter if you are a great man of knowledge and intellect?
What does it matter if you have vast amounts of ilm?
What does it matter if you have done so much in the path of Allah?

All without the eloquence of speach its nothing...
All without the Akhlaq and Adaab its nothing...

Why, when you point out all you have done,
does it still go unacknoledged?
Do you not think once or even for a small second...
That it could have something to do with Huqooq Al Ibaad?
That theres the rights, the Haq to mankind aswell as to Allah...

Well now, as you failed to acknowledge it,
You can sit, grovel, soop, do what you want,
In your pile of the precious something,
Which now has become all nothing...

Events over the past few days have left me and my dear sisters crying, lost, confused, upset and even angry.
Many times also at a blank as to what to say and do too...
Too'ing and fro'ing...
Making the positives wiegh more than the negatives...

But that was the final straw...

May Allah forgive us and may Allah guide us...

My dear sisters, Aasiya, Maryam and Sajeda forget about it now...
Put it behind you...
And leave it all up to Allah...

And for his sake I love you more than words can express and I thank you for everything...

Wassalam

2004-09-09T10:49:00.000+01:00

Looking back...

Assalamu alaykum

My brothers back home..
Mashaallah hes come back having learnt his hifz very well but i think thats the only good that came out of his trip coz hes still quite a doof (no i aint hada bustup yet :p) but i doubt hes become 'insaan' as i like to phrase it.

Along with the little gifts he brought us, he brought back old memories...
memories that brought that nostalgic feeling and a sence of great loss...
That loss being innocence...

He goes to me "Muhammad was asking about you" with a twinkle in his eye.
I was quite blank as i had just woken up from my 'sunnah nap' :p so i go "huh? whos Muhammad?"
With this stupid grin he replied "Muhammad Soofie, he was talking about you and he gave salams" putting that extra emphasis on the oo's like why and how does he know you?
Vaugue memories coming back i go "uh huh, yeah? what he say?"
Now my little siblings whos ears have popped up were like wos hee, why was he asking about you, and how comes he remembers you.
Their questioning was like as if it was a taboo playing with a lad. cumon for heavens sake i was about 10 probably.
The same age as my sister is now...
But looking back and reflecting on her reaction to my brothers statements, it had me thinking where is that childish innocence gone?
At that age i found it perfectly fine, but now my sister wouls be like ehh he aint my friend...
Why when we were little, we never took it any deeper than what it was... We were oblivious to the fact of gender difference... At the end of the day friends were friends, all in good innocence...
But now my sister wouldnt really dream of befriending a lad her age so much without being aware that she is a girl ahd he is a boy and there are barriers..
Everything seems to be too much in the fast lane...

Yeah i do believe once we become baligh, there are limitations to free mixing but as little kids things like that didnt matter to us. It wasnt a sin in Year 6 to be sitting on a table with lads but i wouldnt see my sister being happy about it.
Is this a good thing?
Yes it may be a plus that her class is single sex but why do i think she is being made to grow up too quickly?...

Is it just that times have changed and little kids no longer have that precious innocence that we had at that age...
Or what is it?
Why is it such a big deal now?
Why is that like the end all and be all of life?
Why is the world were living in now, so sex crazed?

Wassalam

2004-09-05T13:42:00.000+01:00

Bruised Body

Assalamu alaykum

Hmm my body's black, blue, green, purple, yellow and erm i think thats about all the colours i can see painted over my body which are sure hurting like hell! so yeah thnx maryam if you have finished laughing and have erm taken it off your msn s/n so that even sajeda and aasiya get a good kick out of laughing maybe ull now decide to sympathise with me a lil bit *snif snif*

well yeah i fell down the stairs the other day and some people *ahem* had fun laughing at me coz erm maryam thought she was paying me back for laughing at her about the glue episode LOL haha thats still soo damn funny, sowwy chuk i wont ever let you forget that, even when you have like loadza grandkids all running around ur pwetty likkle house! :p

hmm im well sore and hava mad house too... loadza ppl over as usual..
i guess no harm in mentioning this now too, well as someone once told me, i dint even know they knew about my blog btw, n they were like i really like it, its brilliant n blah, i was like ermmm whats so bril its only got my blabblings with a tad bit of islamic stuff every so often and she was like but yeah, it always mentions death, that way i get to think of it more, reflect on it aswell as finding out about the deaths that happen in leicester, your blogs the only place i find out about whos dies n blah, i was like h thanx alot hmmm

Well getting back to topic, my house isa mad place because somebody in my erm realtions has passed away, well he was ill for a long time and quite uncouncious in hosp so it was a matter of time really when allah wanted him back, but yeah May Allah grant him jannah and maghfirah and save him from the ahzaab of the qabr ameen

2004-09-03T22:37:00.000+01:00

For heavens sake, quit the marriage talk!

Assalamu alaykum

Its doing my head potty now, thats all people belive in talking about...
starting with my two grans, whos idle chitchat over tea and erm all day long really is about me and some suitable whoever n blah, urgh can they not just shut up instead of acting as if im some fly on the wall thats mr ignoramous!

To them, now that iv finished college its time to 'make a home' and become a baby making machine but its sure annoying the hell outa me, they come out with stuff like suchabody was asking about 'a dayee poyri' and i mentioned Iqbals gota daughter, huh hellooo who said im even thinking about getting married at the moment, cummon im still a likkle kiddy, so short id pass for a twelve yr old you cant send me away from my home... my likkle haven, the place i love and hate at the same time...

Then my dad came home today and thats what they started on again.. im cooking in the kitchen n they'll start with stories of all girls my age in every single villiage of india and batley,dewsbery for that matter who have got hitched etc...
Is it time i went round with a massive plack, i guess i could easily make it bigger than myself that yes im 18 now, yes im single but sure as hell i aint flippin interested so get the hell outa my life, let me do my shopping i dont need your help thank you very much and i aint gona offer in a half hearted manner either!

just needed to let off some steam, doubt its made me feel any better coz iv tried my best to be reserved well anyway Wassalam

2004-09-01T19:11:00.000+01:00

Dear God - by Burhan Syed

How old will I be,
When the angel in black will come for me?
And what will he say,
when I ask for another day?
Just another day...

My life, my love
sitting beside,
face wrung out in tears,
that she can not bear to hide

Another moment I'll ask,
and none that he'll give,
I'll beg and I'll plead,
for another moment to live.

How old will I be,
When the angel in black will come for me?
And what will he say,
when I ask for another day?
Just another day...

My son so old now,
walking away,
Ball glove in hand,
with no-one to play

He'll be forced to grow up
sooner than he deserves.
The leader of the house now,
with three mouths to serve.

How old will I be,
When the angel in black will come for me?
And what will he say,
when I ask for another day?
Just another day...

My pretty young girls,
the pride of our lives.
Never will I see the day,
when they become someone's wives.

No grandbabies to hold,
as my time will have come.
No faces to compare,
for I won't be there,

How old will I be,
When the angel in black will come for me?
And what will he say,
when I ask for another day?
Just another day...

All the things I regret,
the things I haven't done,
with my girls, my wife, my handsome son.
Time wasted and lost, watching those shows,
When the angel comes,
what he says...

who knows?

2004-08-30T18:29:00.000+01:00

I may but I cant...

I cannot be certain, though I know that I may,
of all the things that im wanting to say.
They tell me I may, but im not sure I can,
solve this problem im facing again and again.

"You can but you may not", they like to say,
to my question of "can I be left alone today?"
When I ask "can I do this and that?" they often chant
"You're allowed to but not able, You may but you cant"

They try to correct me each time I am wrong.
They tell me the same things iv known all along.
I know what they mean when they tell me I may,
They mean that I can, its as simple as day but they wont say.
So when they tell me to talk, the same way that they chant,
Slowly, I tell them quite simply "I may but I cant..."

2004-08-29T15:08:00.000+01:00

Shariah Program's Arabic course

Assalamu alaykum

This weakend as you all know was the arabic course in Leicester. It was really great mashaallah.

Starting from friday, Maryam kept emphasising the fact that i had better get to her house early, WITHOUT my massive tape recorder, lol like as if i was gona, well truthfuly it did cross my mind coz my mini recorder's broken, so i kept n bugging her that id bring the big one, and she nearly had a heart attack saying it'd be too embarassing and i best not. So seen as shes my elder i took heed of her advice and decided against taking it :p lol.

I met her by our muslim college and we walked it to LIA (where it was being held) together along with my cousion, my sister, her cousin and another friend of ours.

We got there and Muti saab and Moulana Ziad were setting the place up, putting the chairs right and making this seriously dodgy purdah! LOL they dint have the right screans etc so they got some tables put one on top of the other upside down and used the Musallah material to cover it. If only id taken the camera phone with me, and yes i do regret it coz it definately would have come in handy later on too ;) Anyway it looked absolutely hillarious, quite freshyfied really, but it served the purpose so all was cool i guess. Well me and maryam took about 10 minutes debating whether we should go and help em out and as i said to maryam seen as you the 'sister in charge' it really is your duty :p But i guess we were kinda shy so we didnt bother.

Their method of teaching and the context was quite a shock to us, well not exactly knowing how theyd teach but from what we had been taught in the past we had perceptions of what we thought it would be like. However thier method was totally different and alhamdulillah pleased to say, a much better way as it kinda was very thorough in the sence that it started from the beginning and they basically explained every step. Some of the stuff like 'mubtada and khabr' 'mudhaf mudhaf ilaih' hmm the gardan chanting tables i had already done in school and maressa so i knew a little of what they were going on about but i kinda completely understood the purpose of it and the reasons behind it all.
It also helped on the english grammar side as thier is alot of things, definitions and meanings we dont get taught when we study english as a language at school but learnt through learning the arabic like the order in which the parts of speach come etc.

Their accent at first was extremely hard to catch on to, i was just like "heh?!!" i so dint get what they were saying and id just look at maryam blankly like "what was that? :|" so beware london lot ur in for a shock there but alhamdulillah i got used to it and in the end did manage to understand it all, like once muti saab said 'article' and i wrote down 'ORACLE" god know, it doesnt even make sence but thats wat i heard *shrugs* and maryam was cracking up like noo thats NOT what he said!

The first day was mostly introductions etc and only 3 hours so that was fine. The second day was more intence and hmm kinda tough too, although when i got home and read it all i did understand it but i could feel myself loosing concentration every so often. Hmmm Eat Halal guy was just kinda obsessed with his breaks and i think thats all he really wanted lol and mufti saab was like not now, gota get some work done first! He said some funny things that made us laugh and no offence to him but the way hed say 'listen listen!' would just crack me up each time for some reason. Its a real good job that we wear niqaab so thats like a cover which hides our gigling faces :p.

During our 'BIG' break wich was supposed to be 10 mins (soo big i know :p) we went to the school tuckshop. Coz the main door was shut and since LIA was our home for many years we kinda know the ins and outs of the place so we went through some other storeroom thingy, it was really dark and Maryam somehow managed to get her feet stuck into some glue, she got her trousers all gooey and her abayah all yucky too! It was literally hillarious and i couldnt stop laughing, well the trail of wet yuk that shed left behind i tripped on, so i was sprawled all over the floor which added to my hysterics so i was literally ROFLing all over the floor. By this time maryam had saoking wet trousers and abayah so she was getting pretty narcked at me for laughing at her but i just couldint stop, it was one helluva scene, if only i had the cam phone with me :p so that was jokes so when we got back i was still creasing up, so i broadcasted it to all the sisters which got maryam even more potty at me :p haha aww bichari you, i soo did feel for you *ahem*

We met some sister off the net, one that lives on maryams and sajedas blog, sister Naju lol that was kinda cool coz people look soo different to what you expect them to be like, even the moulanas, well most people you dont ponder over what they look like but its a shock all the same when you do see them. Even thier attitudes like i always say maryam mashaallah is a very respectable sister online not that she isnt otherwise but she utilises that freedom to the max of acting as and how you wish when your with a bunch of friends i.e muslim sisters. hmm duno about me but maryam says she thinks im the same, even though i do say the keyboard limits and prevents me from saying all the narcky and stupid stuff i come out with normally. *shrugs*

I tried getting onto the online session, first i had problems and then after eating and salah i did get on, i guess it was kinda late so i hadnt picked up most of the lesson but it was hard to catch and very confusing, it needed more that a 100 % concentration which i doubt id ever be able to give, not that i wouldnt try but it is hard, distractions, phone calls etc, and the bit that its online its just all the more wierd coz it aint something i'v ever done before...

And the last but not least final day i think was the best, although the attendence was extremely poor starting from the first day but today maximum i think was only 10 :s that is very terrible, i think people could have made a better effort to make the most of something which was great for us. A once ina life time thing probably, well i definately valued it, and found it brilliant mashaallah.
We went over everything learnt on both the previous days so that was great in the sence that i had alhamdulillah picked up all that had been taught!
We then asked if we could do a bit from the qasas kitaab wich i thoughrouly enjoyed but somewhere along the line id started to doodle in my notebook and just then mufti saab was like "the sister in the middle, could you just go over what iv jus read" i was like "huh! damn!", coz i hadnt been paying attention i didnt know if i would know all the meaning and whetever he had been going on about, but alhamdulillah it was relatevely easy so it wasnt too bad, hmm lol, serves me right for not listening!
Maryam i could tell was laughing at me, so hah! it served her right when it came to her turn to do some translating :p

All in all, it was great mashaallah, i loved it, and it was definately benificial alhamdulillah.
So just wana say a jazakallah to Mufti Yusuf and Moulana Ziad for sharing that with us :)

2004-08-27T11:19:00.000+01:00

I read a book about a girl...

Assalamu alaykum

Biographies sections in the libraries, in bookshops are always filled with depressing, sad books about what happend to some girl or another... It may be that in thier adult life they've written about the horrid nightmares they lived through or somebody is writing about them as an eye opener to show the creul and horrid injustices that still happen in all societies to mainly women when most people probably believe they were thrown out of our societies along with the old junk from our ancestors times that was sitting up in the attick collecting dust. But sadly thats not the case...
However its these type of books that have always intrigued me, the bookworm that i am, generally reads anything and everything but i prefer non fiction as its reality, one we have to accept and face up to...

But relating to them obviously hasnt been easy because alhamdulillah we are very lucky in the sence that things like that do not happen to us, we live a very sheltered life, one in which our parents are also not jahil and ignorent as maybe thier ansestors have been... one where they are not soo pig headed, that they believe they have to keep up old traditions and customs and get us married at the first sign of puberty etc..

Its always been some paki family or arab or something other than us, well now its not i read a book about a girl, its i knew a girl that was bundled off and made to stay... so sad... its a great helluva shock because its something never in my wildest dreams i would have thought of hapening, but why? i can relate to how people must have felt for those that they knew, that were just cut off from them... ordinary people like us no different... but why?

Wassalam

2004-08-26T12:09:00.000+01:00

Umrah Stories

Assalamu alaykum

Its hey time i got the ball rolling and started to write about my Umrah trip as i promised many people i would. Its been three weeks already since i got back! Gosh time goes so fast and i soo do miss the place :(

Medinah Shareef

Theres no place as beautiful and peaceful as Medinah. No matter how long your there for, or how many times you've been you'll never get bored of this blessed city of our beloved Prophet (SAW).
We went straight to Medinah, even though in the beginning i wanted to go Makkah first but i gues it was all for the best alhamdulillah.
We got there in the early hours of tuesday morning, yes it was a long journey since we had left home on sunday afternoon, but we didnt feel the least bit tierd and neither was their any signs of jet lag from which was a relatively sleepless trip.
Anyway someone made blunders with the clocks and fajr timing so i missed Jamat so prayed in the hotel. straight after that i was dieing to go, i just couldnt wait to get out, but certain members of my family fancied their sleep ofcourse, i dont blame em but the insomniac that i am, i was just full of beans. I got my sis to come with me and we both went at about half 5.
Our hotel was literally just in front of the haram, right outside the courtyard of the masjid so that was great!

Okay so by now my excitement had been surpressed for far tooo long and i just had to be in there, hava look around, have some cold zamzam, pray tahiyyatul masjid etc so me and sis literally ran it in, the police women just looked at us and was like i wana see your bag, where the hell do you think your running off. like it mattered to me, all i had were salam kitaabs!

Well once in there no words can express how i felt, so blissfully lovely mashaallah. This awesome feeling just overcomes you, like gosh im soo lucky just to be here, im in sucha blessed place and im here at last, this day iv been singing on about since yonks (my mein medineeee chalaa) this day iv made duahs for since the day i left six years ago!

Salam times for ladies starts at around 6:30 so i prayed salah n quraan till then, hada bit ofa walk about, chek it out and comment on how its all changed since we last came.
As soon as the doors opened for the ladies to go and pray thier salam, yeah a big mistake as it was, we started to make our way forward just like everyone else, (this everyone consisted of majority barbaric shi'as by the way) , well not knowing how wild theyd be with their shuvving and pushing etc, it was basically a mad rush and i hardly even got to pray two rakahs peacefully on the Riyadhul Jannah without being trodden all over.
Knowing i wasnt gona get much more out of sitting there as people were literally goin wild like hell we decided to make our way towards the graves but geting there wasnt any easier anyway. I felt that i was getting more sin in all that pushing rather than reward for my durood etc. Alhamdulillah managed to pass our salams at the grave of our Prophet muhammad (SAW) and Hazrat Abu Bakr and Umar (my allah be pleased with them both), but it was hard as coz im short too its very easy for me to get squashed and coverd up by loadza FAT women with one million pieces of bagage on them, i could barely keep my niqaab in place!
Uh then the worst bit still to come was trying to geta place on the Ashab As Suffah. That was packed with 99% shi'ahs, serious no jokes, thinking that okay bellowing mite not work with these people lets try and be diplomatic, id say please can i just pray 2 rakahs, doing one million and one signals, raising my hands up to show salah and sticking two fingers up that i only wana do that many but its really an impossible mission, too stubborn to even consider it!

Oh well after spending hours there just managing to do barely the minimum i kinda learnt that as soon as salam time for ladies start was definately not the right time to go, about 9 o clok would be a better option inshaallah!

Well thats enough for now.. inshaallah ill be back with more later! :)

2004-08-23T13:38:00.000+01:00

Free Arabic in the UK

Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakathu.

Shariah Program are flying in from Toronto to hold a FREE 3-day intensive Arabic program in the UK in August and September!

Shariah Program will Insha'allah be conducting a 3-day basic Arabic intensive classes in Leicester (Aug. 27-29) and London (Sep.3-5) to illustrate their proven classical teaching methodologies and introduce the Online Arabic classes. This unique offering will provide a framework of understanding of how it is possible to achieve nearly the same experience with the Online classes, Insha'allah. These three-day Arabic courses are absolutely FREE and anybody is welcome to attend. A course text & CD entitled 'The Fundamentals of Classical Arabic' by Shaykh Husain Abdul Sattar will be available for purchase, however, to students who truly want to benefit from this 3-day offering. The Arabic program will comprise of 15 hours of instruction held mostly on the weekends. An additional three- hour online follow-up session (at a later date) will be offered to those that register formally and purchase the course material.

Confirmed Leicester Venue (Leicester Islamic Academy) - Total 15 hours
Fri. Aug. 27: 6 pm - 9 pm
Sat. Aug 28: 8 am - 2 pm
Sun. Aug. 29: 8 am - 2 pm
Confirmed London Venue (Tooting Islamic Centre) - Total 15 hours
Fri. Sep. 3: 6 pm - 9 pm
Sat. Sep. 4: 8 am - 2 pm
Sun. Sep. 5: 8 am - 2 pm

Teachers:

Mufti Yusuf MullanShaykh Yusuf Mullan began his studies at the Islamic Institute, Dewsbury, U.K at the age of thirteen, where he completed the memorization (hifz) of the Glorious Quran, while concurrently learning the Urdu language. He went on to complete the Dars-e-Nizami curriculum of Islamic studies under traditional scholars in Flintham, Nottinghamshire.
Upon the completion of his studies in the U.K, Shaykh Yusuf continued on to the Badral-Uloom Institute in Rahimyarkhan, Pakistan where he completed a detailed course on the Exegesis (tafseer) of the Holy Quran. He then proceeded to Dar-ul-Uloom Karachi [http://www.darululoomkhi.edu.pk/], one of the premier traditional institutions in the Muslim world. Here, after intense study, he attained his Masters Equivalent in Islamic Theology (Alamiyya Sannad) with the highest standing, finishing third out of 175 students.
Shaykh Yusuf continued in Karachi, where he did his specialization in Islamic Jurisprudence and Islamic Verdicts (Takhassus fil Fiqh wal Fatwa - Ifta') under, among others, Mufti Taqi Uthmani and Mufti Mahmood Ashraf Uthmani. In the final exams of the first year, he obtained a 96.66% average, the highest average in the entire institute of approximately 3000 students. Shaykh Yusuf has express permission to relate many books of hadith on the authority of his auspicious teachers.
Upon returning to Canada after over a decade of studying abroad, he founded and is now the director of the Toronto Shariah Program [http://www.shariahprogram.ca], an innovative North American initiative which attempts to cover all twelve of the sciences taught in the Dars-e-Nizami curriculum. Aware of the fact that few have the means and freedom from responsibilities to pursue full-time Islamic education in a Muslim country for a prolonged period, Shaykh Yusuf devised a 5 year curriculum to be taught just on weekends. Presently, the program has been in session for a year, enabling dozens of dedicated students to now study traditional Islamic education under qualified instructors and a classical methodology. Shaykh Yusuf lives in Toronto with his wife and two children, Rasheeda and Hisham.

Maulana Hafiz Sikander Ziad Hashmi Founder and editor of eat-halal.com, Montreal, Canada; Ameer and editor of sunniforum.com, Moderator, Shariah Program Online classes. Maulana Ziad has spent more than 10 years learning knowledge of the deen at Al-Rashid Islamic Institute, Cornwall, Ontario, where he completed his Hifz of the Quran, and the traditional Islamic Alim program, and leads Taraweeh prayers during Ramadhan. The young charismatic Maulana is currently pursueing a University degree in Journalism at Concordia University, and sits on the Shariah Program advisory board.

Sign-up NOW: http://www.shariahprogram.ca/UK-Arabic.shtml

2004-08-18T19:58:00.000+01:00

Another line grew short

Assalamu alaykum

Monday morning brought news of another young girls life, which came to an end by a tragic accident.
However she has been on a life support machine since then.
Whether it has now been switched off because of no cell movement in the brain i dont know, but one of the family members did ring home to ask my dad, just wanting a molanas opinion, the answer he and many muftis gave was switch it off, as her heart was obviously pumping just because of the machine inflating her lungs.
Sadly the mother who just returnd from india, where shed gone to do her daughters shopping, who was to get married soon, believes her daughter will wake up again.
The last i heard, the body was oozing blood from bursting nerve vessels.
Sad as it for the family the issue of our body being an amaanah arises.
May Allah make it easy for her, and her family, her fiance whos dreams have also been shttered, May Allah give her mother and family understanding to do what is best, coz once a persons gone, there is no coming back. Just like Parveen who didnt even survive for 15 minutes.
May Allah give thier families sabr, May Allah save the deceased from the ahzaab of the Qabr and give them maghfirah. Ameen.
This is the second young death iv heard of in a matter of a week.
Its blaring at us in the face and yet we do not take heed.
Why do we carry on running after dunya, and keep hiding from death?
When we know as clearly as we know our names that we shall never catch up to dunya and it is death that shall catch up to us in the end.

2004-08-17T12:28:00.000+01:00

I hate waking up early :s

Assalamu alaykum

Its sucha mission waking up early, and i soo hate being draged out of bed with eyes that are forcing to stay open.

Well yesterday i had to get up early coz i had to be at the train station for half past 9. Well as you already know, iv been busy with ansaar lately, so yesterday we were takin the disabled people to nuneaton on the train for a little outing. It was cool, but it does get tiering with some of them.
Well i got there n only a few organisers were there, had to wait aages for the users to get there, n theres me thinking i cudv done with that extra sleep.

anyways once they all came we had to kinda stik with one person so it'd be easier that way to look after them, Shamima, whos the most able of the lot was like i wana be with you, she just kinda has sumit to moan about most of the time, like man im tierd now, im hungry now, coz shes more able than the rest of them, she gets kinda bored waiting for em all to keep up etc, i dint mind who i was with really so i go sure no probs n then Habibah pipes up i wana be with you too.. sure dahling so can you. well that was enuf on my plate wasnt gona offer to have anymore! Habibah hasa habbit of singing one urdu naat to herself 24/7 so i kinda got hmm bit tiered of listening to that constantly :$ Tried changing the topic a few times to get her talking abt other stuff so yeah was interesting to learn she can do shopping by herself and assists her mother with cooking aswell.
They certainly were an interesting bunch, and now im geting to know most of them quite well, like all thier names n u know indiavidual problems etc, theres Aisha whos not withit mentally n talks to herself excessively, she craks me up tho, coz shes intriguing, she loves singing loadz n tells everyone to listen to her, she loves talkin to strangers so she always ends up with an audience, these ppl obviously dont understand her but are just amused by her really, from out of nowhere she blurted out i want chips NOW!! so she had the rest of them repeating after her that they all wanted to eat chips, in the middle of nuneatons town center we didnt know where to find a halal chippy, but as they were quite adament and wudnt budge we had to drop the idea of a vegetarian meal in asda and just stik to chips n beans.
Sabi, i duno was kinda wild and would jus have sudden outbursts of pulling peoples hair, even though told a hundred and one times that its very naughty and it hurts people so u shudnt do it. she did it really badly to blind Yasmin and just wouldnt let go, she had bichari poor yasmin screaming for her life and coz shes astmetic she gets out of breath very quikly and not being able to see adds to her frustration so that was quite upsetting for the poor woman!
hmmm i loved bugging the day lights out of Sajeda who was just reluctant to do things and needed lots of encouragement. In the company of Farzana she wouldnt stop giggling so the pair of them were jsut the mischief makers having everyone burst into hysterics for no reson what so ever. Coz im a chatty person i get on with the more rowdy ones rather than those that dont talk so i neva got round a shy girl that had problems talkin called Aamirun, but Nasibhen was quite a chatterbox who had loadz to say about literally everything that her and her family got up to, i felt sorry for her tho coz her mom passed away two years ago and she misses her quite abit, even though i tel her all the time you must just make duah shes like but then i cry more, bless her, poor woman. Then she was like i want ur fone number in my diary, im gona ring you okay, with a massive smile on her face, some of them i think just need that extra attention to reassure them that they are well and truly loved.

Well that was my group of disabled people who are a mixture of all sorts, so we took em round a few shops, and made em eat their chips! and bought em home again. they all enjoyed it and thats the main thing, a few hours of relaxation for their carers and a bit of fun for them!
Its quite rewarding and i enjoy it with them, so inshaallah hope to help em out more often in the near future!
May Allah reward all those that care for them and are part of helping them out, as it aint an easy job, seeing to someone that needs constant attention aswell as looking after a hole family. Ameen

okies so i guess it was worth it waking up early, but im sure gona have to get used to it coz i duno how im gona do it for the Toronto shariah programs arabic course, which starts at 8! damn!

tek cre inshaallah, wassalam

2004-08-15T17:20:00.000+01:00

Khidmah

Assalamu alaykum

Went to khidmah funday today. it was okay, quite chilling alhamdulillah. Met up with madressah friends, school friends, college friends, cousins, relatives, teachers u name it. so it was cool got to have a chit chat with people i hadnt seen ina while, moreso coz i havnt been at home this holidays.
dint go on the pony's this time, well they had donkeys which were stinkin n i dint want to make a spectacle like last time, where everyone laughed at me coz i was the oldest kid to go on.
Helped ansaar out with thier races afterwards, one of them came up and was like maariaahh do you remember me, i saw you yesterday, are you going to help me run? aww sweetness. so did that with them, some of em were quite chuffed that they gota medel and a prize for running.
started to rain afterwards so took a slow walk home in the rain. Now my abayah smells of damp grass n bbq.
gona go n have a shower, tek cre inshaallah
luv, Wassalam

2004-08-14T23:35:00.000+01:00

Ansaar

Assalamu alaykum

Went to help out at ansaar today, had their first madressah sessions for the disabled people.
It was really great geting to know them and helping them out with little activities and just having a chat with them. they soo sweet and they feel happy just knowing theyv got someone to chat to and as they say "oh i like you, will you be my new friend" it makes your little bit really worthwhile. Well anyways ill see them tomorrow at khidmah inshaallah and as they go, ill see you there, u will come wont you?, ull have a race with me? yeap i sure will ;)
aww Allah help them and ease thiers and their carers suffering. Ameen

okies i know these are ded short at the moment but inshallah ill get in full swing soon.
tek cre inshaallah Wassalam

2004-08-10T13:57:00.000+01:00

Every soul shall taste death

Assalamu alaykum

yesterday i got news that my friend passed away. She was my age, 18, with a life full of aspirations and dreams ahead of her, but that was not to be, she was sent on this earth with 18 years and her time was up.
her was 18, how much is mine? have i made the most of what has been or do i still have time to make the most of what is to come?

this was a very old friend, if not a close one, childhood one that i was in infants with and went to madressah with, but i just met up with her recently wich makes it all the more shocking coz that day she was so friendly and i was pleased to see her, we spoke for aages and she was just happy about uni etc, now theres nothing to it.

2004-08-07T18:01:00.000+01:00

Back

Assalamu alaykum

I came back from umrah yesterday, no point in asking how was it , coz the answer is the obvious "absolutely brilliant!" serious no jokes, was great, overlooking being terribly ill and visiting Medinahs crappy hospital and the barbaric shi'as and the dodgy perverts but hey, in the end wouldnt we all love to live there, just for the sake of being by our beloved Prophet (SAW) and the House of Allah.. but thats life.. gota get back to the reality of how we live.

anyways ill post all about my trip, this is just a quik salam to everyone passing by... great apologies to those i aint txtd yet, no creds, told my cuzzin to go top up for me so ull geta msg soon inshaallah :)

hope uv all been in the best of health and imaan inshaallah, missed you all and made lotsa duahs etc for you all.

Lots of love, tek cre inshaallah, wassalam

2004-07-10T18:00:00.000+01:00

Cyah everyone

Assalamu alaykum

this has to be a real quik post coz im mega rushed, people wont stop coming and fones wont stop ringing, so tek cre inshallah all of you, please forgive me if iv eva sed anythinf to ofend any of you that have come across this place of mine, hope all stays well for you all inshaallah,

please remember me in ya duahs, that Allah accepts this ibaadah of mine and inshaallah ill have you all in my duahs aswell.

i guess ill miss u all, but hey its good to be away from the net aswell ;)

wassalam

2004-07-08T15:47:00.000+01:00

Gallivanting in the rain

Assalamu alaykum

my trousers are soaked to the max, just got back home, been gallivanting round lesta in the pouring rain :p

went fone shop first, unbloked fone :d then went to mates, she was stil in bed, this was 1 o click, luky for some man, my mom dragged me n couzin out at half 9 even tho we slept round afta 3, we were jus crakin up ova dum stuff n couldnt jus get to sleep, well nan came in the morning so mom was like she gona throw a paddy so you guys beta wake up, so i was real ratty at first, well peed but hehe thats normal of me in the mornings :p and then we cooked together again, did a brilliant job :d ;) and then we left for our missions. mates mom gave us some wiked cake, it was gorgee :d sat wiv her 4 a bit, then went on rounds again,

went EPR indian clothes shops coz cuzin wanted to, was gona go town but couldnt be asked, then went to one couzins, sat fora bit then went to moms scool, dossed about wiv some of her teachers, lol one was tryin to hook us up *roll eyes* it was all jokes tho coz i sed i was gona do the honours for her aswell :p

and then went sweet shop :d got loadza penny sweets, gosh i love them and then went aunts and back home.

im off now coz ma cuzons eatin the remainder of my sweets up so gata dash, tek cre inshaallah wassalam

2004-07-07T21:46:00.000+01:00

Went Birmingham today

Assalamu alaykum

Gosh im tierd today, with a splitting headcahe aswell :s

woke up at 8, record timing for me since i left college :p
That was only coz i had to go brum today to pick my cuzzin up, so we left home round half 9, got to brum round half 10, hehe dragged cuzzins outa bed earli just fro me aswell :p

We chatted for a bit and then round five to twelve went in the kitchen to cook, hada wail ofa time ;) two of us together make a real good pair really :p made chiken tikka and rotis, andd rotis came out wiked today, was well pleased coz the last time we did em together it was hillarious, the were well dodgy!
well got the cooking done mega quik and we were out the kitchen for just a little after half 12. we make a mega good pair together, gona go hunting 4 two guys that are brothers so we can terrorise miss mother in law together :p

anyways once that was done we mega rushed it to the train station, gota free ride to town :p lol the conductor dint come around so we neva bought the tikets,

met up with iman n sabiha wich was cool for a little while, we had five mins to rush it bak to the station so we started to run and then tought we wouldnt make it so ended up going to gregs instead :p

on the bus we ate cheese and onion pasties and diet coke... ewww cozins choice not mine :p

went one stop shopping centre coz cuz wanted to go next, bought a pair of jeans and a skirt, was geting late so we ran it bak to her house, dad jus came then so we got our stuff and left for back to lesta, i was soo wacked out, so i put my feet up and went to sleep straight away! there was loadza traffic apparently and i slept thru it all, wake up near fosse park, dad was like oh my weve been in mega traffic and you lazy sod, but seriously i dint know jack about what had been going on.

at home i tried my stuff on, was really pissfyin, coz the skirt dint fit me :@ and the jeans even though they were size 8 petite they were stil long for me urrghhhh, soo flamin annoyin nothing eva fits me right :s grrrr

anyways im off, sisters screamin down ma ears, tek cre inshaallah wassalam

2004-07-06T19:12:00.000+01:00

Kitchen duty now

The kitchens kinda ma new home now... well exams are over and coz im at 'home' now, thats my new job, it aint asif i cant cook, i 'learnt' to do the basics like rice n soup n blah time back but, i just kinda gota do all the other stuff now, it aint that bad other than the fact that its time consuming andd it takes my net time :p
lol grans around so its me just helping her do the stuff mostly but i gota hang around and 'learn' from her the way she does stuff etc,

well anyways today whilst i was having my cooking lesson these people came, well theyd come for their nikah wich my dad was gona perform, so i sat with the woman and listened in on her nikah, that was cool coz when he normaly does em were busy at scool and whatever so yeah the witneses bit n all was erm interesting, and her dowry bit lol
well it got me thinking and annoyed aswell coz this sister got talking and she was saying how shed got married before, at the age of 16 and it was her 'parents' kinda thing, its like when are we gona let go of them stupid traditions of ours that say we have to get married straight after scool and get married to someone of our kind, i.e. family or if your a guji, then a guji it must be and if your paki then thats what it has to be? gosh it really peeves me off, khair if a person is willing and is happy to marry that ideal person out of thier choice but this not being given any other option really sux. its like ok if the person is a muslim andd a practicing one then who n what he/she is, does it really matter?
oh well i was saddened to know that kinda stuff still happens and when a person does get married to someone of their own wish, then its the parent 'acepting' it bit, coz today this sister was kinda upset and she was like please make duah coz my parents are not happy with me and thats the last thing reali, not having your parents approval and blessings when youv got to make sucha big decision in life, oh well all we can do is pray that people get out of their ignorant shells and learn not to make shuch harships and difficulties out of quite a straight and clear cut religion - Islam.

anyways im glad it aint like that for me, tek cre n wassalam

2004-07-05T11:58:00.000+01:00

The Bandage of Complaint

Once a man with a bandage on his forehead came to Rabi'ah and the following conversation followed:

Rabi'ah:"What is the bandage for?"
Visitor:"I have got a headache since last night."
Rabi'ah:"How old are you?"
Visitor:"I am thirty years old."
Rabi'ah:"Were you in pain and trouble for the greater part of your life?"
Visitor:"No."
Rabi'ah:"For thirty years Allah has kept your body fit and you have never bound it with any bandage of gratitute, but for one night of pain in your head, you bind it with the bandage of complaint!"

2004-07-02T13:22:00.000+01:00

Farewells

Assalamu alaykum

Yesterday i went out to eat with college mates and teachers, it was probably the last time i saw some of them, oh no, ill see em on Dday ;) lol im dreading the 19th of august badways, anyways hada great time, Mogul Darbar is quite nice and even though it was the ladies night we had are table in the pardad area so we were kinda more free, food was good and it was fine other than their gawdy nasheeds :p thats the first thing i pick on coz im a big nasheed fan and dodgy 1s are aboslutely terrible :p

so after a great evening it was sad to say the seeyahs but oh well gona keep in touch! well so we all say for a while but then it does slowly die down sadly but hey thats the way things are..

after that in the evening i did something pretty stupid, something thinking back to it now, was really pathetic and useless coz i duno who i was trying to fool, i may have successfully avoided the situation last night by my stupidity and foolishness but how long can i avoid it for? im gona have to face up to it 2day..
it made me think why am i stupid to act exactly like them, its gona classify me in the same boat as them in the end..
but i dont understand why they act like that in the first place, what kik they get out of it, why the habour ill feelings, hatred and jealousy or god knows what drives them to behave horridly, for some reason completely unknown and alien to me, oh well i think the motto of forgiving and forgetting probably has to come in, no i dont hate them for it but its like i dont wana know you just f*ck off, and the wierd thing is how they can act soo normal about it in the end, do they not know what hurt they cause? i guess not obviously, and the cynic inside me sits and screams u fool the whole world is like that, its a one ina million chance that you find gems, but why? thats what i wana know, why?
sad as it is but it sux and i flippin hate it!

ws

2004-06-30T20:10:00.000+01:00

Good riddence Muhammed! :p

Assalamu alaykum

well most of you will probably find me cruel for saying that but cumon brothers aged 13 years old, who have just discoverd their new gruff voice and are extremely fond of excersising it at every oppertunity can be pretty annoying, well my lil kiddo erm hafizsaab i should really call him :p has gone south africa to a darul ulooom to do door for two months and im well kinda glad to be away from him for a while coz hes a right pain.. realy does my head and gets a kik out of it but then hey what are big sisters for? buggin is seems like :p oh well i guess ill miss his stupidity n masti im welcoming the break :p i seriously aint so horible (a) i did give him uhh money to get whateva he liked :p that was the sweet part coz he was like ehhh i dont want that, i go shut up n take it, hes like but no man shurrup get lost! voises were risen by now n dad was like "u2 at it again! cant u eva stop fighting, talhaa man ur goin, be nice for once!" LOL he walked off with it in the end :p haha

anyways other than Talha goin, my days been extremely hectik and kinda funny aswell

in the morning i went town 2 buy presents for english teachers, met up with 2 mates so we could give the prezzies and then i was meeting up with another mate so we could buy prezzies for some other teachers and the rest of our class that included the two friends i gave the english teachers the presents with, well one of them, Taz goes to me im going town ill come with you.. damn now what? so i go uh im errrm meatin my aunty in town, were gona do umrah shoppings, so shes like fine ill jsut walk with you into town.. my brains churning now like err where do i egt rid of her, so then she goes "i just neeed 2 pop down to reception" Quik! brainwave time!i go "erm im getin late cyah i gota dash" n i pegged it into town, phew i thought, lucky escape!

that wasnt the end of it, coming out of boots one of my mates creams mariaahhhh n gues whos with her? TAZ!! OMG!! i nearly died n she gave us this look like u bitch u lied! damn we were propa shitting it byu this time so we kinda err walked off, lol little did she know that the reason we couldnt have her with us was because of her :p well hope she understands when she gets her prezzie now :p

then mate came round a while ago n we went in her car cruising :p 1st time it was cool, we just went down sum mates houses n stuff to give thier things and we even went 2 taz's but she wasnt home *shrugs* we tried :p

lol anyways me gona be off now, tek cre inshaallah wassalam

2004-06-29T23:01:00.000+01:00

Finito! and about time aswell!

Assalamu alaykum

wohoooooooo exams are over :d

hope it all went well inshaallah..please make dua ppl :)

party time now :d :p

tek cre inshaallah wassalam

2004-06-28T21:01:00.000+01:00

Im back

Assalamu alaykum

Erm yeah been away from blogland since quite a while.. hope everything cool and well with all those that visit this place inshaallah.
hmmm since i last blogged lots of things have been happnening, iv been busy with exams mostly and other stuff tooo..
well lets see.. quick rundown :p
Exams started and are NEARLY over, last one tomorrow cant wait.. please make duah inshaallah..
Erm some were very hard others werent so bad, so hopefully pray that inshaallah all dont go that well and that i passed...

Hmmm Euro 2004 footy has been goin on, Englands campaign started and ended rather tearfully, cant reali be asked to go into detailz other than the fact that yeah i was pretty upset and terribly angry, but then again whats new on that front, footballs aslways quite emotional for me...

yea so before i start swearin like hell at the stupid reff i beta change topics :p

Iv been busy packing for umrah :d inshaallah i should be going on the 11th of next month, its a long awaited trip this is, last time i went was Ramadhan 98, looongg time back, but i guess i should count myself lucky coz its gona be my fourth time n its beta than not having been at all...

errr weakend iv hand grandparents over, lol my two grans kinda got me mad on friday but i guess it was stress on my behalf aswell :p so i wernt in their good books (a) basically they wanted help n i wanted to do rev n i wokr up late uh 9 is prefectly earli for me.. but hey old biddies wake up at 5 n 6 anyway :p

today i went niqaab hunting, the one that you wear in umrah for ihraam, dint like the 1s in the islamic shops so ended up geting sun caps from H&M :p lol ill mek my own now, how I like it, kinda fussed so it has to be the right kinda stuff for me u see...
And thats about it for today, my post its long enough to make up for what iv missed out on..

anyways tek cre inshaallah

wassalam

2004-06-09T21:40:00.000+01:00

Amazing!

Assalamu alaykum

Just a quick something id like to relate..

Today there was a janazah in leicester, this lady (may allah grant her peace in her qabr and forgive all her sins) who had cancer passed away..

She had cancer all over her body but the one part the cancerous disease did not effect was her heart because she was a hafiz of the Qur'aan. Subhanallah!

wassalam

2004-06-08T12:28:00.000+01:00

Oh not again!

Assalamu alaykum

LOL hmm sum of u guys will probably recognise this nazam, and annoying as it may be, it just made me rememba our uh *ahem* extremely brilliant ramadhan radio :p hmmm sumthing wich they love very much but most listeniers (not the lil kids tho) get reali fed up of.. coz its jus soo typical freshified :p
seems like the dude jus gota theasorous, piked up the fone n stated singing in his merry go gay tune :p

lol so hav fun singing along.. wen u get annoyed lemi know ill change :p

tek cre, dua ma yaad, wassalam

2004-06-07T12:48:00.000+01:00

Young man, I shall teach you some words of advice.

Be mindful of Allah and Allah will protect you,

Be mindful of Allah and you will find him in front of you,

If you ask, ask of Allah,

If you seek help, seek help if Allah,

Know that if the nation were to gather together to benifit you with anything, it would benifit you only with something that Allah has prescribed for you,

And if they were to gather together to harm you with anything, they would harm you only with something Allah had already prescribed for you,

The pens have been lifted, and the pages have dried.

Tirmidhi

2004-06-07T12:04:00.000+01:00

hmmm

Assalamu alaykum

Duno wat to say...
Mom n fam bak home.. yeah i did miss my kids :p

and err im bak home.. it was ok down at aunts but i prefer home :p was in a kinda giddy mood, well wasnt my fault.. gota habbit of just pasing stupid narky remarks and my cuzzin was findin it absolutely hillarious for some reason and kept n goin into these silly hysterics and my aunt was getin annoyed (rolls eyes) but i did tel her i was mad n she shudnt laugh and blah.
stayed up till real late all the nights jus yapping away.. about stupid things, sad things... like gran... gosh sumtimes i miss her sooo much its unbelievable, its stil so hard to come to terms with the fact that sh isnt here anymore coz.. oh well i guess at times wen i remember like mad its probly coz shes askin me 2 pray for her or sumthing... hmm i duno.. Allah save her from the ahzaab of the qabr and fil it with noor insha allah.Ameen :)

hmmm and thats abt it, got exams this week so gota do loadz of revision, make duah please insha allah
anddd tek cre of yaselves aswell insha allah wassalam

2004-06-03T17:27:00.000+01:00

Last Day of Proper Lessons

Asslamu alaykum

Today was my last day of proper college.. just got exams left now.. hmm a mixture of relief and nostalgia reali... in my own ways even tho id say i reali hated col n i did but it was escapism from home n u know spending hours with mates dossing abt in town that kinda stuff which ill miss...

oh well thats life it carries on.. cnt hold on to anything reali.. it all mooves on.. even people and frends... some ill stay close to but some i just know even tho ill probly try.. but it'll be as it was when we left scool.. others jus drift away.. kinda sad reali :s

and nah not gona so anymore sloppy coz i do *sniff sniff* get sentimental at tyms :$ and yeah well exams exams and exams.. think thats wat iv gota fill my hed in with now

yea thats y my fams gone bburn 2day and im in lesta.. gona stay down my aunts.. jus come home 2 do a bit of housework.. soo probs wnt be bloggin 4 a while

dua ma yaad plz.. tek cre insha allah.. wassalam

2004-06-02T12:51:00.000+01:00

Wail ofa time with the kiddies

Assalamu alaykum

hmm been lukin afta 4 lil kiddies well not exactly so small but two gals 9/10 n two lads 5/6..
awww they reali r cute lil kids :d

hmm u probly thinkin wats the hels got in2 her.. since wen did she eva cal her siblings cute! lol erm its jus been me n then at home so iv had 2 entertain em.. n the works has been kinda cool..

anyways tek cre insha allah n wassalam

2004-05-30T20:32:00.000+01:00

Crappyfied Wedding

Assalamu alaykum

Well yeah my title gives it away no need reali to expand, jus been to a meman wedding.. no offence to any memans here but it aint my kinda thing anyway esp the food guji foods always the best, well anyway kinda knew every1 that was there, most ppl, teachers/students from ma scool, and thats abt it...

well the food was disgusting. hmm sumthing which reali shudnt be sed to food :$ but yeah it reali wasnt to my likin.. not that i ate much *just pretend ate* as my aunty made me do :p that ment bare minimum akhni in ma plate wich i jus messed abt with, and warm fanta wich was gross aswell :s yeah well now i dnt feel very good because of it.. jus hope i dnt feel like this al nyt.. well i dnt puke so it'll mean me ending up stayin up for most of the nyt :(

and erm havnt reali got much else to say other than i had 2 sit with a pretty fake smile and erm the bride kinda luked like a clown but hey guji weddings the gals wear traditional ivory/white not heavy gold n red.. oh well the green contacts soo didnt go and ermmm aint got much else to say.. amnaged to take a few snaps with a camera fone :p lol i think she kinda got the jist of what i was doin n probly thought u b*tch :p

oh well the main point is i FEEL SICK ohh u guys remmeba that poem that went sumthin sumthin I FEEL SICK!! :p thats exactly how i feel :s

tek cre insha allah wassalam

2004-05-29T16:06:00.002+01:00

The Qur'an guides you to the recognition of your illnesses
and to their remedies.
Your illness are your sins,
and your medicine is seeking Allah's Forgiveness.
- Qatadah

2004-05-28T22:00:00.000+01:00

Helluva hectick day

Assalamu alaykum

well 2days jus been mad rush, been on my todd all day n now im wacked out.. jus chillin on ere till easha time now..

okies well here goes... woke up @ 9... had breks :d well done me.. 2 pats on the back 4 mariah :p
i put clothes on washing line came up n came up, cleaned all the rooms.. made all unmade beds n so forth n ironed the laundry that was waiting to get ironed...
finished that n went in the bath.. came out.. hair was still dripping n dad was like cumon, come with me ill take u now.. well hes gone 2 pakistan n dubai 2day n i wanted sume stuff, so i put my abayah ova ma pjs, grabbed my towel(dried some of ma hair under ma scarf :p) n went troddling round with him first to indian clothes shops 2 show him some shoes that i want n then went to look at abayahs.. did all that n went back home n helped dad pack a lil bit n did some emailing for him.. last minute madness man! did ma vackuming all of up n down..
then i go 2 ma dad u got ur toiletries hes like uh no sort it out 4 me! god knows wat he wudv done without me :p well helped with all that n mome came home at half 12...
helped her cook in the kitchen and came up n cleaned the bathroom.. loo n all yes! :p
Then left for college at 2... hada lesson from 3 till half 4.. afta that had to go for the college party at the other building so semi bussed n walked it there... took yonks man n my legs were killing n i was dieing 4 the loo!
oh welll got there completely ded, wasnt in the mood 2 doss loadz 2day, dint want 2 break ma arm or anything again :p n i was still in need of the loo :p so went home by quarta to 7.
thats it im half dead now tek cre insha allah wassalam

>

2004-05-26T13:43:00.000+01:00

i havnt put a hadeeth or anyting up lately and this was a good reminder so i thought id end 2days posting with this :)
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Believers see their sins as if they were sitting at the foot of a mountain and feared that it may fall on them, while the corrupt see their sins as if they were a mere fly that flew by their nose.”
[Bukhari and Muslim]

2004-05-26T13:35:00.000+01:00

Chemistry Practicle Today

Assalamu alaykum

i aint gona attempt that in arabic again coz it'll probably end in japanese anyway :p

Had my first summer exam, which Alhamdulillah i think went quite well, hopefully they shall all end like this insha allah.
Erm dnt think u reali wana get bored with chemistry jargon but yeah i was good, dint break or spill anything n nietha did i do any damage to myself eitha :D tis reali a wow big deal u know :p
well excluding some liquid spilt on my hands.. well that wasnt soo bad, cnt expect me to do it all so good.

hmmm invidualtor was kinda a mardy bum n my teacher kept n correcting what she was sayin n it was kinda reali funny wen we had to be in total silence, and i cudnt stop laughing.. jus got the daggers but yea she cudnt do much else :p

and generally was a good day coz we neva had a chem or biol lesson afta it so i got2 come home earli :D

anyways i best be off, kiddies shud be home very soon,
tek cre insha allah n wassalam

2004-05-25T10:47:00.000+01:00

Big Tantrum over no water :|

اسلام عليكم

Wow :d soz ppl iv jus learnt sumthin new so kinda chuffed with the arabic i can do now, from my keyboard.

Anyways back to what i was gona post about, well yesterday when i woke up, and as i do daily.. erm dnt worry i wnt go in2 details well as commom sence dictates the first thing i do wen i wake up is go to the loo, yea well no water decided to come out of the taps... so i tried those in the bath tub n it jus made sum ryt dodgy noise but no water came out.. now heres me gettin kinda paranoid thinkin wat the hel is goin on???
so i went down n no water was cumin out of kitchen n shower taps eitha, well there was a bottle of mineral water so i tuk that n managed 2 brush my teath n wash my hands n face... neva had 2 minimise like that eva.. was reali hard :s :$
well still not any wiser on what the problem was, mom was stil in bed so i went bellowin up 2 her room.. mooomm no water man whats goin on? how come we aint got water, what am i gona do i need the bogs, what hapened to it? have u told em? why did they cut it off?? well there i was rantin n raving away n mom was like shut the hel up man, we have no water for like 1 hour n u cant even survive without throwing a paddy! :$ shes like u soo know how 2 act over the top just calm down 4 heavens sake.. so there she started her lecture n i was like fine im off.. i bunged an abayah on, grabbed my bath towel n lukily my aunt lives on my street so i ran down 2 her house lol

well what had happened was that there was a problem with severn trent so our end of the street had no water.

by then id bathed n calmed down, i sat to think.. this was as my mom said only 4 a reali short while, but what about ppl in poor countries, they never have water in their homes.. they dnt jus have to run to the end of the street to get hot boiling water n a brilliat cup of tea... they have to walk for miles on end jus to draw out a little bit of water which they have to warm once they get home n then use very sparingly between a massive family.. this is how they live daily.. n ppl like me who have water in abundence.. water which we waste so drastically cant even stand to think n thank Allah for his excess bounties that he has given us.. we cant even say one Alhamdulillah for it all n when we dont have it we jus sit n moan n groan bellowing at the top of out voices instead of being patient..

after that i felt quite ashamed.. because by 11 the water supply was back to normal...

Anyways just some food for thought there...i must be off coz i have my chemistry practicle tomorrow.. please make duah.. insha allah it'll go well n allah make it easy. Ameen

Tek cre Insha allah

وسلام

2004-05-23T10:21:00.000+01:00

I HATE U COMP MAN!! :@

Assalamu alaykum

well as its been so obvious uv probably guessed i aint been online for a while.. thats coz the comp man had taken our comp 2 clean out coz it had gone kinda wierd.. but as my gran put it.. comp had gone 4 a holiday :p

Well on saturday we got it bak n me al excited as i was went n embraced the comp with welcoming arms.. my best frend was bak home.. yea serious im a ryt saddo.. i was completely lost without it :$

so i went on n tried getin 2 my things.. like my folders n stuff n it was all completely blsnk :o hed not saved amy stuff :'( i was sooo mad n upset n all my work n hes horrid i seriously hate him stupid plonka :@ i mean hed saved every1s favourites aswell n he hadnt done mine.. what the hel do u call that.. some plot 2 get mariah off the net or wat by completely strippin me bare of everything.. lol all my stuff i keep on my documents r quite precious like u know music n everything.. i gota scan all my piks again n oh dnt wana talk abt it im well pissed..

ws

2004-05-18T10:30:00.000+01:00

Dugged up Zombie

Assalamu alaykum

Having slept from after 3 am till about around Fajr time and thats probably the best part of 2 hrs and maybe attempted sleep after that which dint go very well coz of constant sneezing and a leakin nose, luking at myself now in the mirror this is what i look like:
-Puffed up Bloodshot eyes that look worse than jewish sunken eyeballs,
-A redder nose than Peter Schmeichel with tissue blobs stikking down coz i give up and refuse to sit with a tissue in my hand,
-Hair sticking out in cloud nine like it would if u know them electric static things in physics.. u put ur hand on it n ur hair shoots up, well yeah sumthin like that,
-A forehead thats hotter than the radiator
-n yeah basically a dreadful sight with my throat inflamed to the max aswell.

anyways think thats enuf of my unpleasent description to keep u away 4rm here for the rest of ur life so ill shut up now.

Grans herd me n knows im awake now so shes bellowin from downstairs, wants me 2 go n have breks but how the hel does she expect anything to get down in the 1st place, coz i cnt flamin swallow.

tek cre n dua ma yaad, wassalam

2004-05-16T15:15:00.000+01:00

Assalamu alaykum

"O Allah, place light in my heart, light in my tongue, light in my hearing, light in my sight, light behind me, light in front of me, light on my right, light on my left, light above me and light below me; place light in my sinew, in my flesh, in my blood, in my hair and in my skin; place light in my soul and make light abundant for me; make me light and grant me light."

2004-05-14T11:55:00.000+01:00

Assalamu alaykm

It has been a long week of non stop exams, with the last and longest 1 today...
tis 3 hrs long.. duno if ill be able 2 write 4 that long but then again bet ya ill still run out of time :|

its all soo depressin i just cnt wait till end of june when it'll all be over n hopefully i wont have to look back.. alevels have seriously been horrible :s
wudnt mind dropping out right now n not have to go thru the hole exam palava n ur probabaly thinkin im a ryt wimp n yea i probabaly am.. i dont care :p

hmm i gues im jus in a ratty mood 2day so im gona be off now...

Jummah Mubrak 2 u all :)

tek cre n dua ma yaad please.

Wassalam

2004-05-12T18:36:00.000+01:00

Assalamu alaykum

When you were born God brought you so many gifts
That you will never open them all.
Love's voice keeps saying, "Everything I have is yours."
So why do you still feel this pain?
Your soul long ago drowned in the middle of a vast sea
While you pretend to be thirsty.
Life's infinite song pours through you
Yet you hold your breath to squeeze it inside.
God kisses you awake every morning
But you insist on sleeping and sleeping.
Hafiz

2004-05-11T12:32:00.000+01:00

Assalamu alaykum

okey dokes heres my next question ;)

Easy 1 this time :p

Who built the iron wall behind which the Ya'jooj and Ma'jooj are?

have fun ;)
tek cre wassalam

2004-05-10T21:13:00.000+01:00

Assalamu alaykum

Every moment a breath of life is spent,
If I consider, not much of it remains.
O thou, whose fifty years have elapsed in sleep,
Wilt thou perhaps overtake them in these five days?
Shame on him who has gone and done no work.
The drum of departure was beaten but he has not made his load.

Sheikh Sa'di

2004-05-09T12:31:00.000+01:00

Assalamu Alaykum

Jus gota clear a coupla things up...

Erm answer to my question was Idrees (A.S).. as correctly said by sis Bulbul ;) lol guesswork init :p

so time 4 the next question now ;) lol ill have to think of one insha allah. :)

oh yea was talkin 2 aasiya sis some time ago n regarding the spiders in my ears.. i think many of u were under the misconception that it was a REAL spider like how u have nits! :o NOOOOOOOO lol jus my way of explainin that i have an ear infection n they itch like hell :s so okay i think thats abt it...

anddd im goin to that yvonne Ridley talk thingy.. lesta sisters please try n come insha allah :)
and then i have tons of revision 2 do :'( no net for me.. sooo not fair :s but i guess its gota be done hey.. oh well time 4 a bath

had visitors ova 4 brekky so im stinkin now tek cre every1

Wassalam n plz rememba me in ya duahs :)

2004-05-07T17:11:00.000+01:00

Ibn Umar used to say
"If you reach the evening then do not expect to reach the morning, and if you reach the morning then do not expect to reach the evening. Take from your health before your sickness, and from your life before your death."
- [Reported by al-Bukhari

2004-05-06T16:09:00.000+01:00

Assalamu alaykum

Thursday 2day.. my missions day ;)

lol 2day i went sweety shopping alll the way 2 St Martins Square n bought lots white chocolate mice :D i luve em 2 bits :D

andd i went a bit mad in debanhams in the perfume section :$ but i shall mention no more :p
saf knows wat im on abt tho ;)

anyways i beta dash.. got a synoptic essay 2 do 4 2morow :s

tek cre wassalam

2004-05-05T22:12:00.000+01:00

There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over and over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope

Sing to me the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope

I give You my destiny
I'm giving You all of me
I want Your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope.....

2004-05-04T12:36:00.000+01:00

Assalamu alaykum

Over the past 10 days iv heard of many deaths, many of them, people i had seen... people ranging from little children to old people... some of them were ill others were killed in an accident, but that was it their time was up and they had 2 leave...

whilst some people are critically ill and their carers *wait* for them 2 die.. as they have been told "its the last stages now", others who were waiting for their proserous lives ahead of them.. waiting for the day they will get married, have a job, have children etc.. die before them without having that statement from the doctors... and those on their deathbeds stay in that condition for maybe many years longer...

what im trying to say is that its kinda hitting home real hard now that iv been hearing of so many people dieing... that maybe 2morow it could be my turn i duno... but the thing is am i ready? answer is NO :s

ws

2004-04-23T11:26:00.000+01:00

Assalamu alaykum

k heres a question for you all...

Who was the first man to use the pen .. i.e invent most basic form of writing..?

lemi know who you think it was ;)

tek cre

wassalam

2004-04-13T11:22:00.000+01:00

Assalamu alaykum

Goin to Blackburn. Gota go 2 a wedding :s

Tek cre every1.. rememba me in ya duahs, catch u wen i do :)

Wassalam

2004-04-09T13:43:00.000+01:00

Assalamu alaykum

Jummah Mubarak :)

Wassalam

2004-04-06T09:10:00.000+01:00

Got spiders in my ears :|